She only stops for a moment to come up for air, not letting me get a word in yet. “While I don’t think I’m quite ready to talk about those relationships with anyone, I do think that when I am ready to share, you are the one person I would want to share it with. Beau, I know I’m a mess. I know I drive you crazy, and I’m sorry. I wish that I could flip a switch and suddenly be good at cooking or be the type of girl who can sit down and watch a movie without getting distracted seventeen times. I wish that I could look you in the eye and tell you what I want out of my future, but I can’t. I don’t think it’s right to lie just because I’m scared of losing you. So, this is me. I can’t cook. I cry when I think about a dog having to live its life at the pound. I sometimes have sad days that make me want to lay in bed and do nothing. But I really hope that you’re okay with all those things because I know that I don’t want to lose you again.”
God, she’s fucking adorable. I’m supposed to be mad at her, but with every word she says, she brings down my walls a bit more.
“Jo, I am not asking you to change who you are. I love who you are. I’ve been in love with that girl for years. You are incredible, and I love all of your crazy quirks. But I also need you to just be here with me. Fuck, Jo, just don’t run away from this. I’m convinced you and I can make it through anything, but to do that, I need you to actually be here.”
“I know.”
“You’ve ignored me the past three days. At least if you’re mad at me, tell me to fuck off until you cool down. Please don't ignore me. That shit isn’t going to work. I want you to think about how crazy it would make you if I ignored you.”
Her eyes get big. “I see your point. Honestly, I wasn’t ignoring you because I was mad. I didn’t know what to say. Then, I was trying to figure out some other stuff. I just needed a minute to get my thoughts in order without a lot of outside interference.”
“Then, tell me that. Just say you need to work through some shit for a couple of days. I know you well enough to know not to push you. But I didn’t know if you were even still in town.”
She looks confused. “Why didn’t you just ask one of my brothers you work with?”
“Maybe because I was scared to know the answer.”
She gives a small nod and thinks for a second. “The other day, I freaked out because I ran into this girl I knew as a kid. She had this thriving business, a husband, and kids. It just made me feel bad about myself. She even offered me a job working at her cookie shop, running the front counter. It made me feel like shit that someone was taking pity on me like that.”
“Why didn’t you just tell her to fuck off like you always do?”
“Because I thought that maybe she had a point. Maybe I needed to make something of myself.”
“Jo—“
She stops me. “No, let me get this out. When I left Lilly Leaf Falls, I spent ten years working dead end jobs and moving in with guys I didn’t even know that well just to have somewhere to crash. I was merely surviving rather than thriving. It was like I didn’t do anything for myself, and I didn’t have anything to call my own. That was a really awful feeling.”
I don’t interrupt her because I doubt she’s done.
“I come back, and I only get a job at my brother-in-law’s shop because I’m family, and it’s not really even a real job. Then, I move into my brother’s spare bedroom—which is fine except I get woken up by a toddler every day, prying my eyelids open. Then, you asked me to move in with you, and let me tell you, Beau, I really thought about it. I thought of how wonderful itwould be if we lived together, and I got to wake up to you every single day.”
“But?”
“But we have been dating only a month. I didn’t say I love you to you until it felt right because I’ve always said it when I didn’t really mean it. I’ve always moved in with guys just because I needed somewhere to stay. I didn’t want to do that with you. I didn’t want to feel like I was moving in with you just to stop staying with my brother.”
“Baby, I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. I wasn’t asking you because I thought you had no other choice.”
She sets her hand on mine. “I know. But I want when we move in together, to be because we both want to. I want it to be because we are taking the next big step in our relationship.”
“So, you’re going to keep living with Dylan?” I ask.
“Nope. I’m going to be moving into Ronnie’s extra house. She’s going to rent it to me. She decided that maybe it was time for her and Drew to take the next stepand actually move in with him without having an extra place to go when she’s mad.” She smiles. “For the first time in my life, I’m going to have a place to call my own. Maybe sometimes, you can come stay in my bed. You and Mia, of course. Hell, I can even get a dog that can play with Mia when you guys come over.”
I love watching her get excited about things. It’s like a whole new world for her.
“So, where does that leave us?” I ask. “Are we still giving this thing a shot?”
“Absolutely. I want to make this thing work, and I promise to stop being such a colossal pain in your ass.”
“Jo, you’re not a pain in my ass. Well, I mean, you kind of are, but I love you all the same. I just need us to be in this together. I don’t give a shit what our future looks like as long as we are with each other.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she tells me. “It took me a long time to see that maybe home isn’t necessarily a place. It’s the people around you who make it home. I think I was never able to put down roots anywhere else because there was no one around I considered home. But now that I’m here, I realize that you are the number one person I call my home. I’m just sorry it took me so damn long to see it.”
I pull her in for a hug. “I’m just happy you finally got your head out of your ass.”
She laughs. “Me too.”
“I need to apologize to you too,” I tell her.
