She winks. “I do. And if you don’t want to bake, I’m sure I can find something for you to do. I think that you would make a fantastic choice to work behind the counter.”
She is so full of shit.
Through gritted teeth, I say, “Thanks, Cindy.”
“Of course! Well, I have to get going. I have to meet with a realtor in a few. It was great seeing you!”
She gives me a hug that seems more sympathetic than the first. When she’s gone, I start walking again, and all of the metaphorical walls inside my head start caving in around me.
Who the hell does she think she is? I don’t need her charity. I don’t need anything from her.
But should I really be getting offended? It’s not like I have anything real to show for myself or my life.
I have no job. No husband. No kids. Hell, I don’t even have an actual home to call my own. I live with my brother and his family.
I get that everyone’s stories are different, but I never thought mine would look like this. It’s like I’m stuck in some teenage nightmare that I can’t get out of.
No, I take that back.
As a teenager, I still had hope that my life was going somewhere incredible. I thought I would do all of these amazing, exotic things. I didn’t do shit except date a string of losers and work crappy jobs to make ends meet.
I have nothing to show for my life aside from some tattoos, piercings, and a crappy credit score. I’m so sad that a girl I was friends with as a kid is literally offering me a job even though she hasn’t seen a resume—or seen me in twenty years for that matter.
I must give off pathetic vibes.
As I can see it, I have two good things in my life at the moment. One, my family. Through it all, the Lawsons stick together. I’ll love them all until the bitter end. That’s a given.
And two, Beau. He’s this bright spot in the midst of all the darkness. Hell, he got me to let down my guard enough to tell him I loved him—and actually mean it.
I’m sure he’s way more than I deserve, but I’m just happy I get to call him mine. The more I walk, though, the more I wonder how long I’ll be enough for him if I’m doing absolutely nothing with my life. Beau seems to have it all figured out. He has a good job and a house and is able to keep a dog alive all by himself. While the last one may not seem like as big of a deal, it really is because most days, I can barely keep myself alive.
How long is he going to be happy with someone who doesn’t have shit figured out? When will he figure out that maybe someone like Cindy would be better for him?
I shake my head, trying to toss those negative thoughts right on out, but it’s not that easy.
Ugh, right now, I don’t want to think about any of this. I just want to go back to enjoying my free day and make lasagna for my man before sitting on his dick.
But at this point, I don’t know if my mind will let me do that. It’s gone into overdrive, trying to get the bad thoughts out and get back on the upward swing.
Instead of going to the store, I head the other direction. There’s only one person who can help to get me out of my own head now.
Chapter forty-nine
Forget about It
Beau
“Jo, what are you doing here?” I ask as she pulls me into the breakroom. “Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know. I mean, physically, I’m fine, but today hasn’t been a good day.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She thinks for a second. “No, I want to forget about it.”
Before I can say a word, she leans up to kiss me and starts unbuttoning my jeans.
“Jo,” I say between kisses. I have to grab her hands to get her to stop. “We can’t do that right now.”
