Lucy had been at Le Bernardin for three months, and every day felt longer than the last. She arrived at 7 AM, worked until midnight, went home to her empty apartment, and stared at the ceiling until she fell asleep.
Chef Alain had stopped commenting on her "mechanical" work. Now he just looked at her with something like pity.
"You are very good, Lucy," he said one afternoon. "But you are not present. And in a kitchen like this, not being present is dangerous."
"I'm sorry, Chef."
"Stop apologizing. Either be here—really here—or leave. But stop existing in this limbo."
Lucy knew he was right. She'd been in limbo since July. Since Jake left. Since she chose Paris and immediately regretted it.
That night, Lucy did something she'd been avoiding. She FaceTimed Rei.
Rei answered immediately, her face filling the screen. "Lucy! Oh my god, finally! I've been waiting for you to call for months!"
"Sorry. I've been—"
"Miserable? Yeah, I know. I can see it on your face. You look like you haven't slept in weeks."
"Thanks. That's very supportive."
"I'm being honest. Lucy, what's going on? And don't say you're fine, because you're clearly not."
Lucy felt tears start. "I made a mistake. I should have come home. I should have chosen Jake."
"Okay. So come home now."
"It's been three months, Rei. Three months since I broke his heart and chose Paris. I can't just show up and expect him to forgive me."
"Why not? That's literally what people do when they mess up. They apologize and try to fix it."
"But what if he's moved on? What if he doesn't want me anymore?"
"Lucy, I see Jake every week at the rink. The man looks like a ghost. He's coaching, he's functioning, but he's not happy. He misses you."
"How do you know?"
"Because he still goes to The Bread Basket every Wednesday at 8:17 AM and orders six pork buns. Six, Lucy. He lives alone. That's at least four pork buns too many for one person."
Lucy laughed through her tears. "That's his Wednesday tradition."
"Exactly. He's keeping your tradition alive even though you're gone. That's not someone who's moved on. That's someone who's waiting."
"What if I come home and he's angry? What if he doesn't want to try again?"
"Then at least you'll know. At least you'll have tried. But Lucy—staying in Paris when you're this miserable isn't brave. It's just stubborn."
After they hung up, Lucy sat in her apartment and made a list.
Reasons to stay in Paris:
?Job at Le Bernardin (that I hate)
?Career opportunities (that don't make me happy)
?Proving I can make it on my own (to who? I already proved it)
Reasons to go home:
