"I'm not done. It gets worse," I admitted. "One time, I think she just got fed up with it and refused to help me anymore. I mean, she had every right to do that. She was never obligated to help me. An exam was coming up and I was panicking because I knew there was a chance I would fail. I got this bright idea to just cheat off of her paper because I knew she'd have all the right answers. And for some reason, I thought that I would actually get away with it." I rubbed my temples. The more I divulged, the worse I sounded.
Tanner started to look disappointed in me.
"There's still more," I recounted.I might as well tell the whole story now, I thought. "Needless to say, my dumb ass got caught. But I wanted someone to blame and I chose Elizabeth. I pretty much let my friends take it all out on her for months after that. Our teacher was really, really angry. She gave me a zero on the exam, and I nearly failed the class. I think she took pity on me at the last second and decided not to kick me out of her class completely."
"I didn't know you guys had that kind of history," he said. "I can kind of see why you wanted to run away so badly. You really were an ass. Not that I think it was the right thing to do or anything, but I get it. We were immature, impulsive, stupid kids, and high school is a majorly stressful time for anyone."
I was really lucky to have a friend like Nathan. Still, there were quite a few more lurid details that I knew I would have to divulge eventually. But, for now, he wasn’t running away, screaming. "After that happened, I don't know what came over me. Elizabeth was angry, and she had every right to be. For some reason, I guess I took that as a threat. You know how high school guys can be," I said, trying to rationalize my behavior. I have to quit doing that,I thought.There were no excuses in the world that would make any of this right.
"Yeah, man, I know it. Like I said, I was a stupid meathead back then, too," Tanner replied sympathetically.
“It gets worse. I spread disgusting rumors about her. My friends and I laughed at her every time she would speak up in class. I mean, I went low. I even mocked her weight to her face." I paused to compose myself yet again.
The more I remembered, the worse I felt. Elizabeth's mortified expression and the tears streaming down her face were burned into my brain. There was no way I could ever forget it.
"My friends were just as bad. There was one time that I tripped her on her way to her seat. She broke her glasses when she hit the floor. I pointed and the entire class broke out laughing. I egged them on. She ran out of the room crying, and I just sat there, proud of myself.”
I hated everything about every memory my mind conjured up. Each one made me sicker than the last. And I'd been on the top looking down. Elizabeth had been at the bottom looking up. So I felt this shitty, I could only imagine how horrible they had been for her to endure back then. And to relive now.
Tanner put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "The fact that you're even saying all of this right now shows a lot of maturity, Nate. You regret it. I know you’re sorry. I’m not going to make excuses for you. You're right. It was pretty terrible and you owe some apologies. But I know you, and I can tell thatthatNate isn’tthisNate.”
We climbed into the car, and he put the key in the ignition. The engine roared as we pulled out of the parking lot.
“Hey, by the way, I told Kenzie to meet us at the theater with Elizabeth, so you and I can keep talking about this on the way."
I took a deep breath and tried to mentally prepare myself to see Elizabeth again. But first, I had to get this out.
“Actually, that's not even the worst of it!" I exclaimed. "For the rest of the year, I did the same kind of crap to her over andoverandoveragain. When my friends would ridicule her, I never spoke up. I would just join in and make it worse. I don't know how she put up with it.”
She was stronger than any of us ever gave her credit for.
“Maybe I shouldn’t go to the movie tonight,” I mused.
"Nate, you're right. You treated her horribly over the years. But you need to realize it might be even worse to just ditch her completely after showing back up in her life. That would be like another slap in the face. You have to try to fix things with her, even if it’s just apologizing for the past," Tanner explained.
"I know, I know.” I sighed. "I have to prove to her that I've actually changed. I mean, she seemed like she was at least considering giving me another chance, right? She probably would have just had McKenzie take her home if she really didn't want anything to do with me."
Tanner nodded. "Trust me, McKenzie loves Elizabeth to death. They're best friends. She wouldn't make her do anything she didn’t want to do."
"I hope you're right," I said hesitantly as we pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater. I could see McKenzie's car in the distance. It was time to go in there and face Elizabeth.
5
Elizabeth
McKenzieand I headed into the theater and bought tickets for some action movie I had never heard of. At this point, I didn't really care what the movie was about. Part of me hoped that Nathan wouldn't even show up, but I knew I wouldn't be so lucky.
He seemed pretty determined to mend fences between us. As attractive and sweet as he was, being reminded of his horrible treatment of me in high school was agonizingly painful. I just wanted to go home and escape every brutal memory. McKenzie, however, looked like she was having a great time, and I couldn't bear ruining her night.
I kept reminding myself that she hadn’t known anything about my difficult past with Nathan, and bringing her and Tanner down wasn’t fair. Surely, I could survive an action flick filled with hot guys blowing things up. There would be no reason or opportunity to reminisce about the past while a movie played, so I could just sit here and ogle half-naked, sweat-covered guys while stuffing my face full of popcorn I didn’t have to pay for. Then when it was time to call it a night, I’d go home, study, and pretend like this had just been another night out with my bestie. Easy peasy.
I walked up to the concessions counter and got myself a candy bar, a small bucket of popcorn, and a sugary soda—every girl knows the best way to hide discomfort is to feed it—and let my best friend pay for it. She dragged me out tonight, and I didn’t feel the least bit guilty about her having to take out a small loan to finance my smorgasbord.
"We'll go ahead and try to find a good seat, I guess. Tanner texted me and said that they're on their way. I think they're just trying to find a parking spot," McKenzie said, balancing her own popcorn in one hand and a giant soda in the other. Her movie ticket was precariously placed on top of the soda lid. "I can't apologize enough for all of this, Elizabeth. I wish I had known how horrible Nathan was to you in high school." The sheepish look on her face said more than the words coming out of her mouth. She never made that expression. I knew she was sorry.
I rocked into her with my shoulder and gave her a weak grin, letting her know that I knew it wasn’t her fault. Plus I got a free movie and gobs of junk food out of the deal—I could find a silver lining. "I already told you, like, five times, McKenzie. It's really okay. It's just one night. Plus…” I held up my treasure trove of calories, “you gave me an excuse to indulge. You and Tanner enjoy yourselves, okay? I’m going to drool over West Martindale and Harvey Carlisle and pretend that I won’t have to run an extra five miles tomorrow while regretting every bite from tonight.” I winked at my best friend, hoping to lighten the mood.
“Promise you’re okay, Eli?”
