I’d thought of nothing since waking just before dawn but trying to get a moment alone with him, to try to explain myself. Of course, no further explanation is really needed—not only did I end our relationship, but I let Damon believe it was because I thought he wasn’t good enough for me. That my father would think he wasn’t good enough. And now I’d ruined that chance.
I stare numbly after Damon as he leaves the kitchen, and then try to refocus on the task at hand.Yes. Right. Make the coffee for Margot, I tell myself. But as soon as I turn back to the counter and see the grinder half filled with Damon’s prize coffee beans, I crumble. Tears blur my vision and all I can think of is how I’ve ruined everything again. I mean, God knows I have no control over the fact that my sister and her husband rented a vacation home from the ex-love-of-my life. And for the life of me, I can’t think of any reason why the Fates dealt me this arrangement except to punish me. But I can’t even accept my punishment and execute it properly!
I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, kiddo. It’s going to be okay, I promise.”
I hadn’t even heard Margot come into the kitchen.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.” My voice cracks, and I dissolve into tears again.
Margot puts her arm around my shoulders and leans her head against mine.
“Look, I know this is a touchy situation,” she says. “It’s madness, actually. I mean, who would ever have thought—never mind. The point is, it could be a lot worse. He could have started screaming and yelling, made us leave…”
“Oh, it’s worse,” I blubber and look at her. “I came down to make coffee for us—for you—and Damon came down too. He must have run out of coffee up there in his studio.”
“Jesus, Amanda,” Margot interrupts. I must really look as bad as I feel. “You didn’t get much sleep last night, did you?”
“Almost none,” I admit.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry.”
“I just can’t believe that after five years, I came face to face with Damon again. In his own house!”
“I know,” she says, and rubs my back as she pulls away to give me some space. “But clearly, you’ve both moved on, and you’re both being adults about this. At least he seems to be. You’ve got this, baby sister.”
Margot reaches for a paper towel and steps over to the sink to dampen it.
“But have we? Moved on? I don’t think he’ll ever be able to forget the way things ended between us. I know I can’t.”
“Forget? Probably not, but nor should you. Either of you. But you have both grown from the experience,” she says and dabs the damp towel under my eyes. The cool feels nice, and so does her sisterly comfort. “And from what I know you’ve accomplished with Father’s store over the last five years, and what I can see of Damon’s work hanging in this house alone, you’ve both put your past behind you.”
“On the surface, maybe. But I’ve never really owned up to my part in the breakup, and Damon is still really angry.”
“Why, what happened in here this morning?” Margot tenses up like she’s ready for a fight. “Did Damon hurt you, Amanda? Because if he did, I’m about to add a new clause to our ‘rental agreement’ that might involve bodily harm—”
“He didn’t hurt me, Margot,” I say, and take the damp paper towel from her hand. “Like I said, I’ve never taken responsibility for breaking his heart.”
“Even so, that’s no reason to do whatever he did to make you cry like this.”
“He has a right to still be angry with me about the past. Hell, I would still be furious too, and hurt. But today, he startled me when he came into the kitchen and I backhanded him in the face by accident when he came up behind me. So you see, I may have already broken his nose.”
Margot stares at me, hard for several seconds.
“So he’s pissed because he startled you into clocking him in the face?”
I can see her mouth start to twitch as she tries to keep from laughing. What the hell! She thinks this isfunny? Maybe under different circumstances. But as I mentally step outside of myself and imagine the visual of the scene, I realize that yeah, it’s pretty funny. Hilarious, as a matter of fact.
“Well, that, and I ruined the coffee, apparently. Didn’t let the beans ‘breathe’ properly before I put them in the grinder. I mean, when did that pinecone become lodged in his ass, anyway?”
Margot must recognize the resignation on my face, and she’s the first to guffaw. A giggle bubbles up from my throat. In the next instant, we dissolve into full-blown laughter. And it feels really good. I can’t remember the last time I’ve actually laughed at anything, and it’s been ages since Margot and I shared a good laugh. I let the medicine of it fill my belly. But then when the feelings move up through my chest and catch my heart, the laughter morphs back into tears.
“Oh no, no, no, honey,” says Margot and lays her hand on my back again.
“I’m trying so hard to make this situation okay for both of us. And I can’t even make a pot of fucking coffee!” I sob hard at the end of this statement, and Margot gets fired up again.
“First of all, Amanda, it’s not all on you to make this situation easier. Second of all, here’s what I think of the fucking coffee.”
