The pain medication started to wear off and I felt pain pulsing my tongue. I took a break from swiping and looked at the clock before I heaved myself upright. I was due for another pill, but I had to take it with food. Otherwise, I’d be puking my guts up all night.
And after ordering some soup and rice from the Chinese place up the road, a thought crossed my mind.
What if I could tame him?
I hated myself for even thinking it, but it was possible, right? I’d come across some rough men in my day, especially with where I grew up, but it seemed that if the right woman came along the hardest heart could soften. And I was worth something like that, right? I was good. I had a great set of morals. I had a hearty work ethic and goals for my life. I wanted a house on the beach and children to chase after. I wanted a career that allowed me time with my family as well as afforded me the ability to get away if I needed to. And I was worthy of that. I was deserving of the life I wanted.
But was it possible to soften JoJo’s soul?
If I don’t stick around, I’ll never know.
“Come on, be stronger than this,” I murmured.
The pain in my tongue reminded me of the bullshit he had already forced me to partake in, but it wasn’t as if it were intentional. In fact, I wasn’t so sure that he knew I’d been hurt. That ink came tumbling down so quickly and all he did was stand up to get out of the way. It hadn’t been quite the distraction I’d been looking for, but it worked.
However, was he really responsible for my injuries?
Yes, because he took advantage of you.
“I mean, I could’ve just said ‘no.’ That’s on me.”
He’s your boss. He should’ve never put you there in the first place.
“Maybe that’s his way of flirting. Maggie always talked about how aggressive he was.”
And you think that’s a good thing? Maybe he got cheated on because she wanted someone with a softer touch.
“I don’t want a softer touch.”
You just want to be injured and used.
“Shut up,” I groaned.
At the root of it all was this crap that neither Maggie nor he were talking about. Whatever actually happened between them in high school had stunted them both, and they both deserved better. They were carcasses of the people they had once been. Angry, empty carcasses that had allowed something to eat away at them. They had given their power over to a memory that ate them alive every second they continued to breathe. And as I laid there, turning everything around in my head, I almost felt sorry for them.
“How miserable their lives must be,” I whispered.
A knock at the door pulled me out of bed and I slid my robe around me. I thanked the delivery woman for my food and locked my door before I dragged my ass over to the couch. Chinese, my favorite soda, and aStar Trekmarathon on Netflix. It didn’t get any better than that.
And just before I took my pain medication, I resolved myself to a solution.
I’m going to stay and figure out what the hell happened. Then, and only then, can all of us be allowed to heal.
Because even though I didn’t want to be, I had been dragged into a memory that didn’t include me. JoJo took one look at me, saw my sister, and probably set himself out for revenge. And I couldn’t blame him. If I had held onto that kind of anger for so long then I probably would stop at nothing to try and rid myself of the weight that so obviously sat on his and my sister’s shoulders.
Which meant I had to find a way to get one of them to talk to me.
So we could all move on with our lives, for fuck’s sake.
18
Rebecca
“Good Lord,”I murmured as I flopped into my car.
Today had been all but barbaric. As always, JoJo kept riding my ass on stupid shit and allowing that old, deflated bag of an accountant to keep blowing smoke up my ass. I leaned my head back and cranked the engine, trying to get some air circulation as I cooled down my sweating body. I hadn’t been sleeping. Eating had now become a chore. And every time my phone rang, personal or professional, my gut turned itself inside out with anxiety.
This job would kill me before JoJo could.
