“And every crying baby in the neighborhood,” Dad adds.
“I put people to sleep.” Mom shrugs.
“Maybe I can bring Tatum over next time,” Izzie grumbles.
“You are welcome anytime,” Mom assures her. “Is your brother a cranky baby?”
“He’s my half-brother,” Izzie specifies. Noah winces, but doesn’t say anything. “And he’s not always cranky, but sometimes I need earplugs.”
“Babies can be like that,” Mom agrees. “I can teach you some lullabies, if you’d like.”
“Can you?” Izzie’s face lights up, and she decides she’d rather learn songs than have dessert, which shocks Noah.
I warned my dad to remove any evidence of my brothers on the main level, which he didn’t like, at all, but still did for me. The upstairs, however, and even the stairs leading up there, would be a dead giveaway, so I take our coffees to the solarium and make sure the digital frame is turned off.
“Afraid there’ll be embarrassing childhood photos?” Noah asks me, and I want to tell him. I want to explain that I’m terrified of what will happen when he finds out, because it shouldn’t be a big deal, and if I’m right about him, keeping it a secret is the bigger issue, but the frame is filled with pictures of my famous brothers. Brothers I love, and think he would like if he ever met them, but I have never been the best at figuring out when someone is using me, and as long as he doesn’t know about them, he can’t. It’s just me that he looks at like he wants to keep forever, while insisting that he can’t.
So I don’t.
“I know there are. My parents will even bring out the physical albums if we give them enough warning.”
“Now I need to come back.” He smiles.
“Iz got a permanent invitation.”
“I didn’t?”
My heart is pounding because I don’t know if we’re teasing.
“I can bring it up with my mom if you really want to drop by without me, but – fair warning – my dad looks sweet, but he’s the jealous type. Like, he trusts her, but he isn’t afraid to fight for her.”
“They’re really awesome.” His smile turns serious. “I see bits of you in both of them. Or I guess the other way around.”
“What was your dad like?” I ask quietly, so if he doesn’t want to answer, he can easily pretend he didn’t hear me.
“The best.” He smiles, but it’s sad now, and then he sighs. “He was a firefighter. I actually wear 19 because that was his station number.”
I suck in a breath.
“My goddamn hero,” he agrees. “He came to all my games and most practices, crawled on the floor with Izzie, brought my mom sunflowers to brighten her day. Your parents remind me of them; that playful, so fucking in love shit that they dance in the kitchen without music, hold hands in the supermarket, spontaneously make out enough times that it’s fucking embarrassing to be their teenage son, but you also know you’re the luckiest kid in the world.”
I swallow and bite the inside of my cheek to stop the tears, because I don’t know what to say to that. Losing my dad would destroy me and my brothers, but my mom would never be the same. I take a step closer and wrap my arms around Noah, resting my head against his chest.
He lets out a heavy breath and rests his chin on top of my head.
“I’m so sorry, Noah. I wish I could…” I sigh, because there isn’t really anything I can do.
“This helps.” He holds me closer for a moment, I think breathing in my hair, before he pulls away. “I’ll go check on Izzie.”
She has to get home, so my dad, either being oblivious or very considerate, offers to drive me back to campus after indulging my mom in one last Hallmark Christmas movie, which would be way too obvious for me to turn down.
Instead, I hug Noah and Izzie goodbye, then watch them drive away, my heart breaking for him.
Chapter Forty-Five
Noah
Only as a Friend
