“You’re eerily close with your dozen siblings,” I point out, only slightly exaggerating.
“Because they put in the effort. Consistently.”
“I do too.” Or I try to. Usually, my mom or Doug has Tatum, so I chill with Izzie, but I did my best to put in some face time yesterday and this morning.
“That’s good. Family is everything, man.” He’s a little drunk, but not as bad as the group that dubbed today Blackout Friday.
“Blood of the covenant, dudes,” Colt argues. Everyone toasts to it, which makes me think they might not know what the expression means, but last week I overheard Colt trying to get out of going – he has a nasty habit of taking calls on speakerphone – and his father’s argument was that they were taking pictures and people would talk if he wasn’t there. Not once was it even implied that they would miss him.
“Hey Noah.” One of the Kappa Taus comes over and sits in my lap.
“Hey Crystal.”
I put my hands on her waist, something I would normally do to pull her closer, but tonight I’m not feeling it, so I lift her off me and drop her in the chair next to mine. She bristles, but treats it like a game, running her hand down my chest.
“Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you at our parties lately.”
“Season started, so we’re busy,” I give a flimsy excuse. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Crystal. She’s ambitious and has no time for feelings, but still treats me like more than a body.
“He’s been spending a lot of time with his sister,” Colt adds with a wink, probably assuming he’s helping me score after seeing how girls swooned after our last game Izzie came to, when he briefly had her on his shoulders. But all it does is make me think of Savannah, who I’ve also been spending a lot of time with, and who I might have misjudged. Because I downloaded one of those cartoon hockey player books and they’re neither sweet nor innocent. They’re filled with all the things I want to do to her, and if she’s into that…
“I didn’t know you had a sister.” Crystal brings me back to the conversation. She almost looks sad that I didn’t tell her, but it isn’t like we ever talked about our families.
“She doesn’t go here,” Michael shares. “She’s…eight?” He looks to me for confirmation, so I nod.
“That’s adorable.”
“Speaking of, we’ve got a game tomorrow, and practice, so I’ll see you guys at home,” I tell my roommates. “Nice seeing you, Crystal.”
“I’d love to meet her sometime,” she tells me, suddenly nervous when I’ve only ever seen her confident and in charge. It brings a pang to my chest. She’s not the first to want to switch up our arrangement, to make things more than sex, but that’s my cue to end things and feel like an ass. Only this time, I’m pretty sure it’s on me. That I’ve been pulling back not because she did anything wrong, but because I’d rather hang out with Savannah.
Colt and David stay, but Michael and Owen come home with me. Michael passes out before we leave the parking lot even though he only nursed one beer, and I’m pretty sure it was non-alcoholic. I think Owen is out too, until he speaks.
“It’s smart to keep them close.”
“Who?” I ask, not sure if he’s talking in his sleep, or giving me profound advice.
“Kids get so attached, you know? They wear their hearts on their sleeves, and then it’s all, ‘Where’s Cami?’ And you don’t know until after, but she promised a bunch of things she doesn’t show up for anymore, and you hate her, because it doesn’t even matter that she broke your heart, she broke Emmy’s and I can’t forgive that.”
Emmy is one of his many nieces, and I know from Colt that Cami was his high school sweetheart who ended things when he chose to come here and play hockey instead of using his dad’s money to party with her in L.A., but I’ve never heard him say her name before.
“Kids are resilient, and I’m sure Emmy will be even happier when she meets the girl who supports your dreams and keeps her promises.”
I don’t know what I’m saying, because I only have Izzie and she still hasn’t warmed up to Doug, but I quickly go from relief that I never introduced Izzie to my casual hookups, to breaking out in a cold sweat because I’ve done nothing to stop her from getting very attached to Savannah.
“Shit.”
“Dude, I’m not talking about her.” One look tells me he knows exactly where my mind went.
“But she’s?—”
“No offense, but I think Savannah’s the type who’ll show up to whatever she promised Izzie, even if you fuck things up. Which, now I think of it, probably also sucks, because how do you stop loving someone who does that? Way easier if she’s a bitch.”
“We’re not together like that. We’re just…”
“Friends?” he asks with a laugh that echoes from the back, where Michael is apparently not unconscious enough to not make fun of me. “Don’t worry, if you don’t get your head out of your ass, I have no doubt Savannah and her new boyfriend will watch Izzie during your games.”
I’m pretty sure he’s saying it just to get to me, to let me see how stupid I’m being, but even knowing it’s not currently happening, it still feels like a punch to the gut. Like I can’t breathe. Because I can’t be that guy for Savannah, but as much as I want her happy and to have everything she wants, the thought of it makes me see red. Especially because he’s right. Anyone good enough to deserve her would humor her request to hang out with an old friend’s sister, and I’d have to quit hockey, because no way in hell can I look up from the ice and see Savannah with someone else.
