I buttoned my shirt in a hurry.
“I’m sorry,” she added.
“No,” I sighed. “No, you’re probably correct. Statistically, at least one of the letters would have arrived barring Divine Intervention.”
Josie nodded. “I only want you to consider the facts and make a decision based on those.”
“I understand,” I said. “I am grateful for your brutal honesty.”
“It’s been years, Svana. He was older than you. He could have a family. He could be a thousand miles from this very room. He could be dead. We’ve just come out of a war. And even if he were alive and not all those things, he could want them and wonderhow could you give them to him? What future would you have with your position?”
“That is an awful thing to say,” I said.
She agreed. “Yes, but you must marry the Prince.”
I sent my eyes to the window. “I know.”
“And if he doesn’t have them already, Ser Willem may want a wife and children.”
“I know.”
“But,” she said, smoothing the shoulders of my blouse. “The Prince is having an affair. That is something we know. His Highness carries no respect for you or your union, for as long as that persists. And Mr. Evergreen, he…He plays with you. He watches clouds. He laughs with you. He brings a smile to your face and shares your affinity for horses, and heishandsome, in a dreadfully rugged way that you seem to like. Why could you not have your own affair, if he were willing?”
“Jocelyn!” I cried. “What you speak of isblasphemousat best.”
“Would it make you happy?”
I didn’t want to answer. I didn’t knowhowto answer.
I said, “Being smited by Heaven for violating a holy matrimony? I can’t say. That’s never been an option for me before.”
“You are too strict in your ideology of God and His plan.”
“You’re too frivolous with yours. Elías says that noble men and women are-”
“Ser Elías has never been married,” she said. “He’s never been in love. You have been completely unlike yourself these last two weeks, ever since the cottage, and I hate to see you spend the rest of your days in this fog. Blasphemous or not, this could be your chance at love.”
“Love?” I patted the air. “Josie! Keep your voice down and goodness. Nobody said anything aboutloveand Mr.Evergreen.”
“Then maybe it isn’tlove. But itisa chance at something more than rearranging furniture and shopping for stupid hats.”
“Youdothink it’s stupid!” I cried.
“I would take it,” she went on.
“Then take it!” I tried to offer it to her.
“Not the hat!” she argued, refusing it. “Mr. Evergreen! Take the chance to be with Mr. Evergreen and never look back. Even if your Willem appears tomorrow, it’s not as though he hasn’t been with another woman since your youth. Explore this opportunity. What if Evergreen is?—”
“What if—” I shifted. “What if Mr. Evergreen never wanted me at all? What if it’s all in my head? Worse, what if hedidwant me before and now he doesn’t?”
“Then nothing changes. You say goodbye, you go back to your Prince, and you never wonderwhat ifagain.”
Chapter 2
Josie’s confidence weighed on me the entire first part of the afternoon. I tried to remain in the moments ahead, fixating on the Derby and considering the differences between Chalke and Oreia and their regard for horses, but it was short-lived.
Once I’d ventured past how Oreia did not have derbies like Chalke did, how I had never been to anything close to the same kind of event—except for the dressage portion of our Autumn games—there was little else to preoccupy myself with.
