“He is funny,”I whispered. I moved closer, taking a seat next to him. “He is funny and kind and he would never hurt me. He’s had plenty of opportunity… Hellveig… Yes. She hurt me. She hurt me a lot. Nearly every day. But never without warrant. I was poorly behaved, Ser. She only struck me to correct my mistakes. Mistakes require correction, lest they repeat themselves.”
“Does it feel better to say that?” he asked. “To say you deserved her violence?”
“Not really,” I said. “But it is the truth.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is,” I said. “I was awful. I had no manners. No concept of?—”
“You’ll have a child one day,” he stated. “Maybe soon. She’ll be happy and free, like all children are, and one day she’ll make a mistake. Will you punish her like you were punished?”
“What? No!”
“Then you’ll pay someone to hurt her for you?” he asked.
“I would never! I would never allow her to be hurt!”
He turned pointedly. “And neither would Ser Elías. Neither will I. Hellveig got whatshedeserved. Not you.”
“Willoughby, no. You’re mistaken. Elías has worked so hard for his good name. I cannot let you think so poorly of him to consider that he would do such a wretched thing as you’re implying. Miss Hellveig fell. She fell down the foyer stairs. You’ve seen them. They’re marble. They’re slippery. It was cold. He did not push her, I swear.”
“How many days did he find you battered?” he asked. “How many times did you shield the depth of hereducationfrom him? Did you hide beneath long sleeves and in secret passages that lead to crypts? When I found you, you were crying. You told me to shut the door and tell no one where you were.”
“I don’t remember that,” I said. “I don’t think I said that.”
“I remember it. And I remember when she came into the dining room and she collected you. I remember you were scared, and I remember I didn’t see you again until we left that Friday.”
“I wasn’t supposed to play,” I said. “I was supposed to be in mathematics.”
“I thought you hated me,” he said.
“No.”
“Honestly, for so many years. I was so blind. You never came to visit. I rarely saw you when we did.”
“I was in my studies,” I said quieter.
“Then one day it just… made sense. One day I realized you were scared. You’re still scared. She’s dead and yet…Cousin, I can help you now.”
“I don’t need help,” I said.
“I’m so sorry.”
“No. I’m sorry I made you feel like I hated you,” I said. “I didn’t.”
“It’s not your fault. People see what they want to see. They see what they’re told to see, and they ignore what they want to ignore. I didn’t like myself, I would think, why should you?”
“Ididlike you,” I said. “I didn't like your brother. The eldest—Jack?” He nodded. “But I liked you. Jack was hateful, and Owen, compliant. You were the good one.”
“They’ve changed with age,” he said. “As have I. They’re both married now. Jack has a son.”
“I remember the announcement. I sent a wreath.”
He sighed. “Fully functional contributors of high society.”
“...Areyouwell?” I asked.
“I’m just sorry,” he said. “I knew something was wrong and I did nothing.”
