“Well, I, I mean… I… She wasn’t…”
“Yes, she was,” he said. “And it’s alright. I let her.” He paused. “He loves you,” he said. “You know that, right?”
My expression fell. “I know. ….Poor bastard.”
“You don’t return the sentiment?” He looked surprised.
“No, I… I do,” I said. “It’s…not that. It’s not that at all. That’s the trouble. It’s... Do you believe insoulmates?”I asked, huffing. Before he could answer, I added to it. “BecauseIdo, and I also believe–No, I know, that I’ve already found mine.”
“There’sanotherman?” He sat up. “Who?”
“Another– No. Not exactly,” I said, scandalized. I hooked my fingers nervously. “Daniel…What I’m about to tell you, youcan never, never ever utter again, so help me God. Do you understand?”
“Svana,” he said. “On with it.”
“No, you must promise me your fealty. Right now. I shall not speak until you do.”
“Fine, I promise it.”
“Say it! Say the words, I know how you knights need words.”
He stared at me, offended. His jaw worked a little harder. “I swear my fealty, Svana. What is it?”
“...There was a boy,” I started to explain. My breath caught slightly. “When I was a child, Daniel. The ostler’s boy. And I…” My face brightened at the memory. I could almost hear his voice calling after me as we ran around the forest.“I loved him,”I whispered before finding my voice again. “Every second of every day, since I can remember. Since the very first morning I stumbled upon him and knew my life would never be the same. He was playing with this stick,jabbingit at things, ha. And he was imagining they were dragons, and soldiers, and, I don’t know, all the wild boars of King’s Land. And… and I don’t know what happened, but suddenly I’d never seen something so beautiful before and all the world was alive with this intense warmth about it. I can still feel the way the sunlight felt upon my cheeks the very first time he spoke to me. He was so mean, but I didn’t care.”
Cyrus made a noise and I whispered an apology to his form.
Ser Willoughby shook his head. “Go on,” he said. “He doesn’t mind your story. That noise is just the fever. I’ve seen a hundred fevers like his. It’ll break soon.”
I looked between the two of them, then nodded as I went on, albeit a little softer. “…Well, he-” I stuttered. “He gothurt, Ser. Because of me. Because I am haunted by the Crown and the consequences of such a weight. I’m not allowed to love anyone; Iknew that, even as a child, and I know it now. That’s why I’m so petrified that I have ruined Mr. Evergreen’s life for all of–”
“Swan,”Cyrus moaned.
I stopped, shifting my attention to the pet name. “I’m sorry,” I told him.“I’m sorry, I’ll stop.”
Willoughby put his hand on my shoulder. “Let me take over,” he said. “You go rest.”
“I don’t want to,” I said. I wiped a tear that had snuck out under my eye. “I tried that. I couldn't sleep in my room. I had to be in here.”
“He’ll be alright,” he said.
“The rest of the story is, I kissed the boy and we were caught. Miss Hellveig had the smith hold him down and they branded him. I never saw him after that.”
“Wait. Theybranded him?”he asked. “With an iron?”
“Yes, the King’s iron,” I said. “The horse.”
“The King’s–” His mouth was open. “Your father allowed that?”
“Yes. He’s not a kind man,” I said. “You know that.”
“I do but…” Willoughby half-scoffed, making a strangled noise. “Because of a kiss?”
Cyrus stirred.“Swan, my Swan.”
“Why is he saying ‘swan’?” Willoughby tasked. “Is he dreaming about birds?”
I sat taller, pretending like it didn’t matter. “It’s nonsense. He just rambles.”
