“They burn and rob homesforme, Daniel. Itismy fault. For existing,” I said. “…You don’t have to stand in the hall, you know? Come in. Please.”
I shifted, moving on the seat. He stepped closer, sitting beside me and hanging his hands over his knees into his lap.
After a pause, I motioned to the bed. “I’m afraid this is it. Riveting, really. He stopped talking an hour or so ago. He’s just breathing now.”
“I'm sure he appreciates you being here,” he said.
“You’re sure, huh? Everyone is so sure of everything,” I muttered. “This is actually quite boring. You don’t haveto stay. I wasn’t ordering you to. I’m perfectly fine brooding here on my own if you want to go not wear your armor somewhere else.”
Willoughby smiled. “Nah, brooding is best spent with a friend.”
“A friend whom you only refer to as her rank,” I said. “I wish the men of Chalke respected me half as much as you do, cousin. Then maybe things would be different here.”
He leaned in. “I don’t know about that. I heard a few of them whispering today. You scared them properly with your little tantrum in the council room. You should be very proud of yourself for that. They respect you now.”
“They respect my father,” I said.
“No.” He waved dismissively. “Your father is a week’s ride from here. They respect you. They fear you, some of them. You aren’t the girl they thought they could control. You’re… fearless now.”
“Fearless, ha!” I shook my head. I gave him a genuine grin. “Sure I am, Daniel. That’s why I’m part of the furniture in this chamber now.” I giggled. “I’m plenty fearful, if I’m honest. I’m scared of many things.”
“Like what?”
“Like Mr. Evergreen dying,” I said. I stared at the swordsman’s face. “Like my father dying. Becoming Queen suddenly. Not knowing what I’m doing. I’m scared of the dark most of the time. I’m scared of meeting new people. That they’ll see through me. I’m scared that my friends don’t like me. Not really. That they’re cautious of my title. I’m scared that when I marry Sameer, I’ll fade into the background. Not because I don’t matter, but because I’ll want to.”
“You’ll want to,” he said, repeating the phrase. He nodded. “Then we are brooding over many things specifically, yeah? Anything else? What about the eerie silence of you two not bickering for once?”
I chuckled. “No, not that. Just existence. Curses. Eternal damnation. Choose whichever suits your fancy.”
“Eternal damnation.That’s always good,”he said. “A constant friend of mine, too, I’d say.”
“Oh, yes,” I nodded. “Oreia’s most loyal and kind-natured knight, fearful of eternal damnation,” I said. “If I were less tired, I might stage an intervention for that comment. That’s likely theworstof those you could have gravitated to. Should I ask if you’re alright?”
He shook his head. “No, probably not.” Then he outright laughed again. “I wouldn’t open that box if I were you.”
“Daniel,”I said, facing him.“Don’t mock me.”
“I’m not mocking you, I just can’t keep a straight face,” he said. “What irreparable offense couldyouhave achieved to win eternal damnation from? I once saw you try to talk a spider out of your chamber instead of smashing it.”
I folded my arms. “Did you come in here to bully me?”
He straightened, shaking his head but was still well-amused. “No. I came in here to see Miss Jocelyn.”
My brows shot up. “I knew it!”
“Yes, yes. Svana Eisson, so very clever. They’ll write songs of how sharp you were, noticing the obvious.” He canted his head.
“Alright, then,” I muttered.
He yawned. “With your permission, I should like to say that you blame yourself more than any lord or ladyI’ve ever known, and as the third son of a viscount who’s only worth should’ve been determined by whatever marriage he secured, I can assure you, I’ve known a fair share of lords and ladies who blamed themselves. Trust me.”
“Areyou bullying me?” I asked. “Don’t discredit what’s blatantly there. Why shouldn’t I blame myself? These bandits are burninghorses. I’m an Eisson. I’m ahorse. My Cyrus is a horsehandler;the metaphor is not lost upon me.”
“Oh, he’syourCyrus now, is he?” He nudged me with his knee.
I froze. “I-I meant–”
“Relax,” he said softer. “It’s not as though I don’t know what you get up to when I’m supposed to be distracted by Miss Jocelyn. Neither of you are very careful with that bright dazzle in your eyes each time you engage, and Miss Jocelyn is not exactly sly in her attempts to lure me away.”
