“He’s lucky,” the doctor told him. “Another day and I’d be in Lawrence.” Then he bowed. “I’ll stay put until I hear from you, Your Highness. I can always make my rounds another time.”
“Thank you,” Sameer said. “I’ll see to your compensation. I swear it.”
“I see, I see,”Cyrus muttered.
“Your Highness?” Sam asked. “A moment please?”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood. I followed him into the hall. I kept my eye on the maid who’d taken my place if only to make sure she tended to him gently. Sameer sighed, deeply.
“Don’t feel obligated to stay,” he said. “You can leave and go back to bed. It’s alright.”
“...What?” I asked. I half-scoffed.
“You don’t have to take care of my friend,” he went on. “I can, or they can. You’re not-”
“Mr. Evergreen ismyfriend,” I argued back. “Howdareyou suspect I could leave him todecaywhile I go and what? Sleep in my precious downy-feathered bed? I amoffendedthat you thinkthatis an acceptable role for me! Howdareyou assume my character! I should–!”
“Thank you,” he breathed. He fell into me, wrapping his arms around me in a very unexpected hug.
“I–”
“Thank you for taking care of him,” he said, breathier. When he pulled back, he touched the corner of his eye, “Sorry. Sorry, I-”
“Are youcrying?”I asked.
“No.” Sam coughed, clearing his throat. “No. I’m not crying. I’m just very tired.”
I stopped. Completely. And for a second, I felt sorry for him. After a minor delay, I touched his arm to soothe him. His face altered. He gave me a weak smile.
“Everything will be okay,” I said, neutrally.
Sameer nodded. “Of course it will. You’re so wise.”
Behind him, Cyrus writhed, bucking his hips once. He tried to twist to his side, but Ser Elías laid him flat again, his hand on his arm to calm him, pressing him gently into the bed.
“Everything will be okay,” I repeated.
Chapter 24
There were several times, well before the weekend, that I thought Mr. Evergreen’s fever would break. Several times that I feared it would never leave us. By Saturday, I had become a shell of worry.
I spent days lurking in and out of his room, at odd hours, at proper ones. It wasn’t long before I convinced myself that Mr. Evergreen’s ailment was simply the first step toward an impending divine punishment for our actions in befouling the church. Actions that could only fuel the curse I had blighted my Sword with–that any man I should want for myself, not the empire, should be penalized for my misbehavior.
I wanted, more than anything, to free him from evil thralls of the enchantment. I wanted to wake him somehow, some way. I wanted him to escape the daze he muttered in. I wanted every croak and moan he lost, to transition into an actual word or sentence that I could consume and understand.
Then thatexactdesire manifested into reality, and I cried. I even tried to silence it. I tried to cover his mouth with my hand, to awkwardly distract the chambermaid from noticing the things he said. She left, I was certain, in suspicion of my mental state. Evergreen spoke painfully of the War. He apologized tomen I didn’t know and who weren’t in the room with us, and he sobbed for things that he had done. For families he’d taken sons from. For children without fathers. Then he confused me for Sameer. He apologized to him for wanting me, and I shook my head. I brushed back his sweat-slicked hair back from his face. I whispered.
“Everything’s okay, my Sword.”I exhaled, measuredly, watching his chest raise and fall with trouble. “I’m sorry this is happening to you. It’s happening because of me. Because I love you, and bad things happen to the men I love. I’m sorry.”
But he thrashed again, and Ifelthis agony, an experience I was ashamed to be granted without permission. When he fell asleep, I moved to sit along the wall, watching him. Listening.
I thought about the fire. About his caution. About the kitchen before he confessed he loved me. I thought about how angry I had been that he left for Oreia, how I had assumed it was for someone else. I thought about the feather, no doubt burned in with the house–what a waste. And I thought about how remarkably, confessing to him that I had killed Miss Hellveig hadn’t bothered him the way I thought it would.
I thought about how he comforted me. How he let me keep the dagger. How he took me into his arms and told me that I was safe until I eased.
“I knew better,”I told myself or him. “Iknewit would happen. I was rightto be afraid for you, Mr. Evergreen. Miss Hellveig had that boy maimed. Yet, I let you close enough to be hurt, too.” I exhaled deeply, closing my eyes, and pressing my head against the wall. “The Lord does not appreciate adulterers; he does not value those who believe they are above his rules. God has reaped his vengeance over me, and worse, Iknowit was deserved.I did this,”I whispered.“I’m so sorry I did this to you.”
Another breath in the silent room.
