“Go to sleep,” he said, turning a page. I didn’t. After several moments of nothing, he sighed heavily and marked his page. “Fine. What is it?”
“…As you know,” I was careful. “The two of us have been…spending time together...”
“Yes,” he said. He leaned forward and rested his elbows to his legs. “And?”
“And I was just hoping to understand why he, or any man, might… I’m sorry, Eli, I don’t know how to ask this question appropriately.”
Elías bristled. “Is hepressuringyou?”
“Pressuring?” I sat up. “In what way?”
He shifted.
“Oh!” I cried. “No,” I said softer, longer. “No. That’s not… That’s not what the question is about. …No.”
“Then what is it about, Svana?” he asked.
“Um. Well. It’s just that suddenly he feels cold. And yesterday he was not cold, you see?”
“Cold?” he asked.
“Yes. Cold.”
“Give me an example?” he asked.
I rolled my bottom lip against my teeth as I tried to find the way to word it. “For example… This afternoon, he and the Prince returned from Mr. Evergreen’s home and I felt as though he was a different man. Toward me, I mean. He was short and callously so. He, uh, he wandered past me and went to his chamber without so much as speaking to me… for long anyway. And um,” I had to pause to avoid crying. “Well, he didn’t bother saying farewell or good night, or when I might hear from him again.And I thought maybe he was ill, but when I tried to check he sort of… dismissed my hand. And that is so very different from how it’s been with him. And I know Sameer was there. But even he thought something was wrong.”
“I see,” he said. He sat up. “Have you laid with him?”
I gasped.“Elías!”
“It’s relevant to my answer,” he explained. “I’m not judging you.”
I adjusted my posture, looking at my hands. I shook my head. My voice became soft, embarrassed. “No. We haven’t made love.”
“Alright,” he said, nodding. “Then I don’t have to kill him.”
“What?”
“Nothing; thinking outloud,” he said.
“Is it me?” I asked. “Am I obnoxious? …Am I unworthy of his attention?”
“Absolutely not.” Elías was deadlocked. “Your worth is beyond constructs of value; you will not let anyone tell you less, even boys you think are special. And... As much as I’d sooner like to dissuade you from men who aren’t your betrothed, Iama grown man, and I understand love is… complex. In this case, it will serve you well to know that men…” He looked up, finding the words. “Ourvalue often comes from how well we provide. Our professions, for example. Our seemingly shallower attributes to the untrained eye, but.”
“I don’t understand those words,” I said. “Well, I understand the words. But I don’t understand how they apply. Mr. Evergreen has a career. He’s a swordsman. A sword instructor.”
“Yes, he is,” he said. “But he’s also just lost everything that’s gotten him. I imagine that he’s struggling with the reality of starting over again.”
He held onto something else.
“What? What is it?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Just that. The boy doesn’t come from money; he’s not like you. Everything he has to his name here comes with a cost.”
“I know that,” I said. “I know that he isn’t rich or a lord or anything. I just–How do I help him?” I asked. “Do I give him gold?”
“No,” he said.
