“My cake did not put that look on your face. What are you thinking of?”
“She’s right. That’s a sex look,” said Alex, pulling me back to the present. “What gives?”
“Nothing gives.” Denial rarely worked with my friends, but it was still a decent starting point.
“Are you buying it?” Alex shifted her gaze from me to Meredith, who shook her head. “Me either. Who is he?”
“Why are you assuming it’s ahe?” Answering a question with a question was a solid secondary tact, but also unlikely to work.
“My cream cheese frosting is legendary, but it didn’t put that look on your face.”
“The taste of the pralines just reminded me of something. It’s not a big deal.” Tell part of the truth and hope for an escape.
“Something or someone?” asked Alex, cutting off that last available route.
“Someone. But it’s not a big deal. Nothing serious.”
“That expression looked serious.” Meredith’s face held so much optimism. It made me want to believe in things I had no business considering.
“It’s not. I’m still going to leave here and spend the rest of my day dealing with love stories gone terribly wrong. Even if I wasn’t, I’m no closer to understanding how to balance work and a relationship. I think my performance at the bridal salon proved that.” I took a swallow of coffee, washing away the last taste of praline. “Maybe after Alex and Erik figure it out, I’ll believe it can happen.”
Across the table, Alex’s expression went serious, and I worried I’d stepped across the line again, something I’d been so determined to avoid.
“Can I tell you something without you freaking out?”
“Of course,” said Meredith, but it was me Alex watched. I was the only one likely to cause a scene.
“Always.”
She tipped her head, considering.
“I promise; I can do it,” I said.
“I’m not sure I know how to balance the career, family, relationship thing. I love Erik, and I want to be his wife. I even love the idea of being claimed by him. Not as property.” She held her hand up, but I was smart enough to keep my lips pressed together and lether talk. “But more because I’m his person and he’s mine. It’s not a halves to a whole thing. It’s more that two wholes make something greater than three. I want that to be literally true. I want to create a family together, and I want to be there for my kids and my husband.” She smiled when she said the words, and I didn’t have a moment’s doubt that my gorgeous, talented friend meant every word she said. “But I also want my career. I worked hard for it. I don’t want to slow down or give any of that up. This is where you tell me I’m crazy for wanting it all.”
I couldn’t tell her that because she wasn’t crazy. Listening to her talk made me feel a longing I usually managed to shove deep into the closet of my buried emotions. There wasn’t anything wrong with wanting it all. I just had no idea how to help her get it.
“You’re not crazy.”
Beside me, Meredith was so quiet for a moment, I wondered if she’d say anything. Despite the fact that Elena spent her days redoing people’s houses, of all of us, Meredith seemed the most inclined to nest building. That sense of home was everywhere around us. I didn’t doubt she wanted a partner to fill it, but she’d never really talked about a family. At the moment, that absence felt too large to ignore.
“I think the key might be not trying to do it all yourself,” said Meredith, finally breaking her silence. “There are some biological things that might have to fall to you, but the rest of the load has to be shared. That’s the only way both people can get what they need. It doesn’t have to be fifty-fifty all the time, but the five-year average should be awfully close.”
She was right. I knew she was. I’d seen it over and over with my clients. The one partner who carried the bulk of the weight until they simply couldn’t do it any longer. Hearing her lay the solution out so clearly made it feel almost plausible. Something I’d barely considered, but suddenly ached for.
“I’m worried about holding on so tight to an ideology, I’ll miss a chance to build a real partnership with someone. I don’t want to be shortsighted and miss something simply because I can’t imagine it. I think you’re both right, but I think I am too, and I don’t know what to do about any of it.” As I said the words, the truth of them hit me. I wasn’t ready to go relationship crazy, but I couldn’t deny part of me wanted it, too.
“I want someone to take care of who’ll take care of me.” Meredith tipped her head to the side and her gaze took on a faraway look, as if she were talking to herself as much as to us. “I don’t care as much about having children as I do that.”
“We care for each other,” I said, needing to make sure she knew she wasn’t alone. And needing it myself.
“Yes, we do. I love that, and I love you.” Meredith reached out to squeeze both our hands.
“I love both of you and all the cake,” said Alex. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to narrow the choices.”
“Why don’t I box up one of each, and you and Erik can decide together?”
“We got to eat all the cake. He should get to enjoy it too. Off your naked body.”
