What if Cusclan had killed him?
"Oh, God."She squeezed her eyes tighter, forcing the thought away before it could finish forming.Her stomach twisted painfully.Her pulse thudded in her throat.
She wasn't supposed to panic.
She wasn't supposed to fall apart.
But she was scared.
Really, truly scared.
And she didn't know if she was more afraid of something happening to him or something happening to her because he wasn't there.
She pressed her forehead to the cool tabletop, trying to steady herself.Ten minutes.Then she'd go back out there and pretend everything was fine.
Even if nothing seemed fine at all.
Lydia breathed in through her nose, out through her mouth, trying to force her pulse to slow.Everything circled back around to her mother.
If her mom hadn't gotten mixed up with Sonny.If she hadn't dragged Lydia into the world where bikers called the shots.If she hadn't treated bikers like they were lottery tickets instead of people, Lydia wouldn't be here.
She wouldn't be hiding in a break room, terrified of a club she never asked to be involved with.She wouldn't be waiting for a man she barely understood but somehow trusted more than anyone she'd ever known.She wouldn't be looking over her shoulder every five minutes.
If her mom hadn't been so reckless and selfish, none of this would have happened.
A whimper escaped her.She loved her mom, but love didn't erase the truth.
She inhaled deeply, held it, then let it out slowly.She couldn't fall apart.Not here.Not now.Patty expected her to work, and Lydia needed this job.Needed the normalcy.Needed something to hold onto that resembled freedom.
She straightened, wiped her hands on her apron, and forced her legs to move.
The second she stepped back into the diner, Hannah was there."Are you okay?You look pale."
"I'm fine," Lydia said quickly.
Madison appeared beside her."Patty said you looked like you were gonna pass out."
"I'm fine," Lydia repeated, forcing a smile."Just tired."
From the expressions on their faces, she could tell they didn't believe her, but they didn't push her for a better answer.The lunch rush was picking up again, and they scattered back to their stations to deal with the customers.
Lydia grabbed a pot of coffee and moved through the diner on autopilot.Smile.Pour.Nod.Pretend everything was normal.
But her eyes kept drifting to the windows.Every time a motorcycle rumbled past, her heart jumped.Every time she saw a flash of leather, she froze.Every time the bell over the door chimed, she looked up too fast.
She hated that she was doing it.Hated that she was waiting for him.Hated that she needed Baddy to ride by, even once, just so she could breathe again.
