“Then why can’t I let it go?” He touched her cheek with longing. “All I want is to be with you. All I want is just a sliver of happiness. Why can’t I have that?”
“There’s no reason you can’t.” Her mouth turned into his palm, her lips brushing across his flesh. “You can have whatever you want.”
He closed his eyes, everything in him aching. “There are people who will always think I did it. There will always be a question in some people’s minds. Do you want that for you and your daughter?”
“I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks.”
Somehow, he believed her. He could see her resolve, feel it, and her strength, conviction, belief in him, made him feel weak all over again. He kept wrestling his demons, and they kept winning, and he didn’t know how to fix that. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I wasn’t trying to keep secrets from you, but it’s so hard to talk about it...”
Her finger pressed against his lips. “Someday, when you’re ready, you can tell me. You can tell me about Jessica then, too. But for now, I just need to hear that you love me.
There was no doubt about that. None at all. If he knew anything, if anything made sense, it was that he loved Mandy. He kissed her fingertip. “I do love you. So much. In a way I never thought I could again. In a way that’s more mature and stronger than what I felt for Jessica.”
He needed to say that, to acknowledge that. It wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t Jessica’s fault that their marriage had been riddled with problems. There had been mutual blame and circumstances and two selfish people who hadn’t wanted, or hadn’t been willing, to change.
“Jess and I had our share of problems, but she didn’t deserve to die like that.”
“Of course not.”
Mandy stroked her fingers across his forehead, his cheeks, and he was comforted, strangely and completely comforted. His knees were up in the air, but she had inserted herself between them, using his left leg as support. Yet he had the feeling she was the one holding him up.
“You can share all of you with me, Damien.”
He couldn’t stop himself from stroking a soft curl that fell across her shoulder. Couldn’t stop himself from asking. “What do you see, when you look into the future? What do you really see?”
She gave him a soft smile. “I see me marrying you quickly, because neither of us want to wait. I see a nursery, right on the other side of this wall in that second bedroom. I see pink gingham and white eyelet curtains, and a baby named Rebecca Sharpton who grows into a little girl who loves her daddy just as much as I love him.”
Pain and want and love rose up in him so sharp that he felt his vision blur. “Do you really want that? After everything you know about me? I have scars, Mandy, that will never completely go away.”
Mandy hadn’t felt confident a lot of times in her life.
She couldn’t say the right thing at social events, she couldn’t keep her clothes neat, and she couldn’t seem to figure out how to manage her finances. She had worried in the past she was aimless, flighty as her mother had claimed.
But this she was one hundred percent sure of, without a single doubt. She and Damien were meant to be together. They complemented each other, they brought out the best in each other. They had both been given a second chance and she was going to take it if she had to wrap her arms around it and wrestle it to the ground.
“You seem to think that I’m getting the bad end of the bargain in this. You’re forgetting that I have quite a few flaws of my own. I’m forgetful, a borderline slob, hopeless with money, and lousy in bed.”
He gave a startled laugh. “Are you joking?”
“No, just fishing for a compliment.” She snuggled into his arms, rather liking sitting on the floor between his legs. She felt surrounded, safe, loved. “But to answer your question, yes, I most certainly do want this. And I want this because I know everything about you that’s important. You’re a damn good man. Scars fade with time. And the ones that never go away, well, they build character, maturity, caution. You won’t be careless with my heart or our daughter’s, because of everything you’ve been through. You will protest us, love us, stand by us.”
“That I will. I promise you that. Always. And you’re an amazing woman.” He kissed the side of her mouth. “Who happens to be fantastic in bed.”
The way he stroked her back, her temples, as he kissed her, with such tenderness and awe, had her longing for physical intimacy to match the emotional closeness she was feeling. She needed to have Damien in her, to see him give up control and succumb to their love. To trust her and her feelings.
“Let’s test how good I am in bed, just to make sure.” Mandy could hear his breathing change then, move from anxious to relaxed to aroused, as she flicked her tongue across his bottom lip. “But first you need to ask me to marry you.”
Damien breathed in her scent, soft and floral. He had never thought he would say the words again, but when he did, they were easy. They were strong. They were hopeful. “Mandy Keeling, will you marry me? I love you with all of my heart, such as it is.”
Her brown liquid eyes were tender, round. “It’s a good heart, even if it’s been kicked around a bit. It’s always been a good heart, that’s why it was so easily bruised. A lesser man wouldn’t have cared as much. So yes, I will marry you. And this baby...”
She took his hand and placed it on her stomach, under hers. “This baby is alreadyourdaughter.”
He kissed her then because he had no words. He needed to pour all his passion and emotion and love into her. There was so much feeling, so much emotion, more than he could have ever believed possible. She had given him a life back. She had given him everything that mattered.
Mandy shifted as they mingled hot, wet, tongues, so that she was facing him. “Put your legs down.”
“Why?” Even though he knew why, even as he obeyed her. Their hands were tearing over each other, pulling at clothes, shoving fabric and buttons and zippers out of the way.
