He had thought he had. He had thought he was here to warn her away from him. But he wasn’t sure he could convince her when he was desperately wavering himself.
“What do you really want, Damien? If there was no past and no guilt and no fear? What do you really want?”
That was brutally easy to answer. But he wasn’t sure he could say it out loud. Wasn’t sure it would be smart to put into words feelings that couldn’t, shouldn’t, matter in the long run. Eyes closed tight, he drew in a painful breath.
Mandy kissed his forehead, her dewy lips gliding back and forth, her whispered words muffled against his skin. “It’s okay. Just tell me what you feel. Tell me what you want.”
He couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t keep his fingers from drawing up her back, pulling her into him. He couldn’t help the words that tumbled out of his mouth.
“I want you...I want you to love me.”
Her mouth shifted on his forehead, kissing over to his temple, with a tenderness that made his throat constrict.
“That’s easy enough. I do love you.”
It sounded so true, so right, so pure when she whispered that to him. “What else do you want?”
“I want you to be mine.” His voice got stronger, the lump in his throat easing up. He rubbed his lips along her cheek. “I want to love you.”
Her lips met his, briefly, tantalizing. “Then love me, Damien. Love me.”
He did. With all of the shards and damaged pieces of his heart, he did truly love Mandy. In a way he’d never thought possible, with a desperate sort of ache and a quiet joy.
“I do. I will.” And he covered her mouth, kissed her softly again and again, wanting the moment to stretch and last and allow them both to hover in that place of promise.
He touched her—arms, waist, shoulders, neck—questing, intimate touches, the need to feel Mandy’s flesh everywhere, to caress and worship every inch. Their tongues met as they kissed, a slow, leisurely mating that sent of kick of hot desire through his body.
“I want to feel you closer,” she said, pulling back to yank her tank top off. In the shadows, he could see the full roundness of her breasts.
It had been over three weeks since he’d seen her without her shirt, and then he’d only known her body for two days, but he knew she looked different. The change to her breasts was subtle, the dark pinkness around her nipples larger, her belly a littlerounder. She looked incredibly sexy to him. But she also looked beautiful, wonderful, vulnerable in her love for him.
He was in absolute awe that she could look at him and think there was anything for her inside of him. “Mandy.”
She started to tumble back onto the bed, reaching for him.
“Don’t lie that way, remember,” he said, mentally referencing theEverything Guideas he took off his own shirt. “Lie on your side and just let me hold you. I just want to hold you.”
She did as he asked, her head falling onto the sleep-squashed pillow, a soft smile on her face as she settled onto her side. Damien stood up, took his shoes and pants off. He left his boxers on as he slid in alongside her. This wasn’t about sex. It was about feeling her, being near her and cherishing the idea that they could be together.
That love could be enough.
Mandy sighed when he reached for her and shifted closer until they were touching from shoulder to toes, her soft curves nestled against his hard flesh, her belly resting above his pelvis.
They shared her pillow, faces hovering inches apart.
“This could work, Damien,” she whispered. “It’s honestly all up to you whether we should try or not.”
He knew she wasn’t talking about sleeping arrangements or sexual positions, but about them. The future. Rubbing his lips across her forehead, he asked, “Why is it up to me? You’re the one having a baby. That’s the most important thing we need to think about.”
“Exactly. I know that you’ll be wonderful with my baby. I don’t doubt that for a minute. But I need to know if this is temporary or long-term. If we need to take it slow...or we need to leave it at this tonight.”
The words tickled his ear as she spoke. He could smell the floral scent of her lotion, feel the dampness of her hair as he drove his fingers through the strands.
“I don’t want to pressure you or rush you or be insensitive to what you’ve been through, but I do have to think about my baby, and I just need to know what it is you want.”
What he wanted and what he should do seemed to be two different things. It wasn’t fair to ask Mandy to wait for him to heal the wounds he had. It wasn’t fair to ask her to take him on as he was, more liability than asset. It wouldn’t be fair to ask her to allow him into her daughter’s life.
He closed his eyes. He didn’t give a shit about fairness. If he couldn’t have Mandy, tonight, here, now, love her and feel her love for him, if he couldn’t have a life that included her in it, then he wasn’t sure he could face that empty future.
