They needed to keep this simple. They needed to keep this about sex.
But it was so hard when Damien had become her friend on this trip. He had shown her parts of him that were hidden from everyone else. She saw the humor and the caring and the worry. The loneliness.
He had made her feel so relaxed, so sexy, so capable. He didn’t doubt her abilities to raise her child. He didn’t look at her and see nothing but poor choices. Damn it, he liked her, respected her, trusted her, and that was so appealing.
And now he wanted to look after her unborn baby.
It couldn’t happen. She couldn’t let him in like that, couldn’t learn to lean on him, get used to him being in her life. He had said he didn’t want a relationship and she believed him. He hadn’t healed from his wife’s death, and his heart wasn’t his to give away, even if she were looking for that, which she wasn’t.
Was she? Mandy halted in the hallway outside Damien’s room, startled by her thoughts.
No, of course she wasn’t. She was still hurt and dealing with Ben’s rejection, and most importantly of all, she needed to focus on her job and her baby. There was no time for a relationship in her life, and it would only be a needless distraction. Plus,she never wanted her child to become attached to a man who wasn’t its father and who could leave at any time. Bad enough Mandy would have to explain someday that the child’s biological father had no interest in seeing her or him. She couldn’t create a situation where her child could be rejected a second time.
So it had to be about sex, and nothing more.
That had been fabulous between them, so what in the hell was wrong with just leaving it at that?
Annoyed that Damien had complicated things, she pounded hard on his door.
“Come in,” he called.
Mandy flung open the door, determined to seduce him into a nooner. She’d spent the entire morning reading theEverything Guide,and there was absolutely no reason why they couldn’t be as sexually active as she wanted to. The book had even encouraged it as a way to keep you relaxed and alleviate stress.
Damien was sitting at the table trying to work on his laptop, a gigantic hamper taking up most of the space and leaving him dangling precariously on the edge.
“What is that?”
“I don’t know.” His fingers flew over the keyboard. “It’s for you. The front desk had it. It came on the flight from Heathrow.”
Mandy went to the table and leaned to read the label. Right in front of Damien. Dangling her breasts in front of him like really big carrots. It wasn’t subtle, but she had only two days to work with.
He made a strange coughing noise.
She would have turned to check on the promising sound, but the behemoth package was from her mother. Mandy laughed in comprehension. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, it’s from my mother.” She untied the bow on top and let down the cellophane wrap. “It’s a food hamper from Fortnum and Mason.”
She lifted the lid as Damien shoved his chair back and stood up. He peered over her shoulder. “Food hamper?”
“Yes.” She grinned at him and pulled out some strawberry jam and Darjeeling tea. “Hungry?” There were biscuit tins and a variety of cheeses, crackers, marmalade, and lemon curd. Her stomach rumbled in anticipation. “Mother is worried I’ll starve without my British favorites.”
“She sent this from London? I can only imagine what that must have cost.” Damien shook a tin. “Chocolate cookies. Good stuff.”
“Cost is no object when Mother thinks she’s right.” But for the first time, Mandy saw beyond her mother’s desire to maintain strict control over every aspect of her life. “But you know, I think I finally understand. A mother’s fears aren’t always rational, but they’re born of love. I don’t think I’ve ever appreciated just how my mother feels about me until right now. Even if it is misguided.”
Damn it, she was going to get weepy. Just when she was trying to prove to Damien that her pregnancy was irrelevant to their relationship, she went and turned into a hormonal watering pot.
Damien didn’t stop to think about what he was doing. He just wrapped his arms around Mandy and pulled her into his chest. She gave a little sniffle and sank against him with a sigh.
His heart raced as he held her there, patting her back. He hadn’t held a woman like this in so long, hadn’t felt he had any comfort to give. And Mandy was so, so different from Jess. His wife had used tears to manipulate, to wrench guilty apologies from him, to gloss over her own transgressions.
Those very thoughts now—unkind, scrutinizing thoughts of Jessica’s flaws—made him feel guilty all over again. He hadn’tloved her well enough in life, and he couldn’t get it right in death either.
Mandy was looking up at him. He could feel the weight of her brown eyes studying him. But he looked over her shoulder as she spoke, unable to bear the openness she was wearing on her face.
“Love, no matter how it’s expressed, is still love. We all have flaws, and so our love will be flawed. But that doesn’t diminish it.”
Damien squeezed her tighter to him, swallowing hard, unable to speak. How did she do that? How did she manage to get inside his head and find his thoughts, anticipate them, refute them, offer him a comfort that he wasn’t sure he deserved.
One of the walls of defense towering around his emotions and heart had a good hole in it. About the size of Mandy’s foot, where she inadvertently was kicking down the fortress that had protected him for three years.
