“But I have to deal with the guys.” I pout. “They’re all bossy and demanding in their own way. Every time one of them seems nice, they do something dickish that tips the scales back toward assholes.”
“What was the problem last night?” She flops down next to me and holds my hand as we stare up at the ceiling. “Besides the multiple orgasms.”
“Besides Nico totally feeding me to the lions and not defending me? I thought he was my friend, but I should have known the horsemen come first. Then Caden and his stupid need for me to know what I did was wrong. When I was keeping it a secret to protect him. And Luke telling Caden to punish me. I swear he gets off on punishing me.” I blow out a breath, letting the anger overwhelm me a little. “Eli was fine last night, but in the closet—” I stop as I remember. It’s all so fucking confusing. “He wants what he wants whether or not I want it, but he makes me want it, which is frustrating as hell.”
“And Jack?” she asks.
“Jack.” I blow out a breath. “Last night must have been his turn to play nice guy. Jack stayed the night and held me while I cried in the bathroom.”
“Why were you crying?” Kenz squeezes my hand.
I roll my head to face her. “They keep making me feel like this could be more, then they do this shit and I realize I’m not one of them and I never will be. I’m just a toy for the year.”
Maybe that’s what stings the most. I’m not part of their group. They own me. I’m no better than a toy to them. They haven’t even called me tonight, probably because they know I’m not up to having sex. Therefore, they have no use for me.
“They’re pretty tight with each other. You’re more in than any other girl has ever been. They’ve claimed you, Harper. They’ve never done that before.”
I turn on my side to face her fully, putting my hand under my head. “They just want me for sex. The novelty of a virgin they can do anything they want with. Someone only they have touched.”
A shiver works through me. There’s more to it though: Caden’s dreams of the future, Luke’s possessive streak, Nico’s friendship, Eli’s coaxing and promise to protect me, and Jack… I rub at my chest, not sure what to feel about Jack right now. He’s always let me lead. He lets me explore before he takes. “There have been moments, but…”
“You don’t have to fall in love with them, H. Appreciate you’re getting an education most of us couldn’t dream of. A chance to experiment and enjoy yourself without worrying about the tangle of emotions.” She mirrors me on the bed and reaches out to move some hair off my face. “Just think how confident you’ll be in your first genuine relationship. The horsemen may have had your body, but you’ll still have your heart to give to some lucky guy.”
“Maybe.” I release my breath. “Okay, enough about me. How are you and Brandon doing?”
She grins, and her whole face lights up. “Girl.”
My heart unclenches, knowing she’s about to tell me a good story. She doesn’t judge me.
“I’ve missed you so much.” I breathe out.
“You’re always my girl, H.” She takes my hand and presses her forehead to mine. “If you need me, I’ll always be there for you.”
“Thank you,” I say quietly. “Okay, tell me about what you’ve been up to.”
With a smile, she starts a story about this closet they found at school. I listen and smile at the appropriate spots. Part of me is still heartsick after last night. She and Brandon fell in love before they started having sex. Now I’m having sex with no hope of love. As long as I remember that and don’t let myself slip, I can just have fun. Maybe that’s good enough for now.
CHAPTER 70
Strike Team
Nico
“She texted to say Kenz is staying the night with her.” Jack slides his phone back in his pocket before focusing on his laptop.
When I came back to Sherman High School, I never imagined I’d be outside someone’s house, dressed head to toe in black, waiting for Jack to finish making sure the coast is clear. The guys crouch beside me. Everyone has on a black mask completely covering their features.
It’s late in the evening. But this needs to be done. We’re all in agreement about that.
“Okay, his parents are out, but we need to keep this contained.” Luke meets all our eyes. “He needs to know not to mess with us or our girl.”
Caden grunts in agreement. At practice, he was a beast. Unstoppable. They had to walk a sophomore off the field after a particularly rough tackle during a scrimmage. Ever since Harper dropped that little nugget about Tanner at lunch, the anger radiates off Caden.
The lights are off in the house, meaning the guy’s already asleep or maybe watching something in the dark.
Jack closes his laptop and slides his mask down over his face. “We’re good to go.”
We huddle together and look to our quarterback to lead us.
