But if I’m 1000% honest with myself, I’ll die if he does move on. But he has to because he deserves to be loved, even if it isn’t me. Why? Because I have too much baggage and unhealed trauma that I don’t want to dump in his lap. I’m self-sabotaging because of my guilt and because I disregarded in sickness and in health.
Chapter Five
Grant
My jaw clenched as Layla kept talking about her life and her stupid ass Corgi that she claimed I’d have to meet, despite me expressing several times that I didn’t like dogs. When Buzzard died, I grew an aversion to dogs—pets in general. I received a call from Kiyah the day after I moved into my dorm freshman year, informing me he’d died, and I cried for hours until Mimi and Papa drove up to console me. I wanted Kiyah, but she had school, and having Mimi and Papa by my side was the second-best thing.
A pang struck me in my chest as I thought of my grandparents from Kierra’s side. They were the kindest people I’d ever met—Mimi with hugs and kisses that’d make the Grinch’s heart grow three sizes, and Papa with his patience and words of infinite wisdom. Having them there constantly felt like having another set of parents, making it that much harder to cope when they passed within a month of each other. Saying I didn’t deal with their passing gracefully was a severe understatement. I’d turned to drinking heavily when I couldn’t make peace with their loss. Coincidentally, I did the same when Buzzard died. Grieving clearly wasn’t my strong suit.
Movement from across the table caught my attention. Nori was signing to Kiyah. I couldn’t catch all of her finger and handmovements because she was turned sideways in her chair, but she clearly didn’t want her words to be deciphered. Kiyah briefly made eye contact with me before glancing away.
Is it bad that I’m considering making Kiyah jealous so that I can have her eyes back on me? It’s a horrible idea. Fuck Stage Five, Corgi Layla seems like a Stage Ten clinger. Currently, I’m trying to find an excuse to leave before dessert. Next year, Mom’s Mother’s Day gift from me will be less extravagant than usual.
“Grant? Where are you taking us on our annual sibling trip?” Kieran asked.
“I vote this year that Nori and I get to attend,” Ronan huffed as he sliced into his steak.
“Denied; only Bakers allowed,” Kieran informed him.
“I second that. As much as we love and adore Nori, I don’t want any drama,” Casey added. Nori immediately ceased signing to Kiyah and narrowed her gray eyes at Casey. “What? It’s the truth. How much do you want to bet you and Daisy will get in a knockout drag-out fight on your honeymoon?”
“They’ll get into it before they walk down the aisle,” Ronan commented.
“I could see it,” Kieran offered.
“You all are ridiculous,” Daisy said with a roll of her eyes.
“Says the woman with a black eye,” Casey added.
I checked out of the conversation and considered where I’d take the brats on vacation. I loved my siblings—they worked hard throughout the year and deserved to be treated. Plus, it was a tax write-off for the business that was expensed as a “leadership summit.” Last year, I’d taken them to Italy. They had a wonderful time; however, I remained in a less-than-jovial mood because all I could think about was how I wished Kiyah were with me. I’d imagined we’d break off from the other siblings and tour the country together—eating great food anddrinking even better wine, eventually falling into bed together, drunk on alcohol and love.
The thought caused a dam to break, allowing acrid bitterness and resentment to flow freely. We had our future mapped out. We planned to talk to our parents about our relationship and marriage. We didn’t care if they accepted; they’d have to get with the program. Kiyah would attend law school and eventually join me at the firm. She’d get her feet wet, and right about now, we should’ve been discussing growing our family, but instead, we were discussing the dissolution of a marriage she never gave a chance.
“I vote we go to Las Vegas,” Daisy chirped.
“No,” I responded, shaking my head.
“I think Vegas will be fun. I’ve never been,” Kieran mentioned.
“No,” I repeated.
“I haven’t gone either,” Casey added. “All in favor of the annual Baker sibling trip to Las Vegas, say aye.”
Ayes resounded around the table.
I stood.
This is the out I needed.
“Are you leaving?” Layla asked.
“I am. I’m sorry, everyone, but I have work to catch up on. I need everyone at the office on time in the morning.” I paused and glared at Daisy. She pouted at my callout. “We need to audit Daisy’s caseload and divvy the crucial ones. Good night, everyone.”
I was halfway to my truck when I heard a voice that made the roof of my mouth itch.
You can do this, Grant. Tell her nicely that you’re not into her.
“Grant.”
