When she says it, alarm bells start ringing, the loud clang of them telling me that this is a fight I won’t win. That this is it. Whatever happens next, the lies Millie and I have been hiding behind are gone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do…” she says, giving me a short, humorless laugh. “That night in the Hamptons. After you left my room, I lied awake for hours, listening to everyone…” Like the memory makes it impossible to look at me, she looks away. “I finally worked up the courage to go looking for you after Gwen and her friends went upstairs to sleep it off. I wanted to explain—about Allister. I knew you heard what Paige said and I wanted you to know that we’d only been on a few dates. That it wasn’t nearly as serious as she made it sound.” Forcing her gaze back to mine, it wavers for a moment like she’s fighting to keep herself from looking away again. “I knew you didn’t care.” Her voice breaks, the jagged edge of it nearly sharp enough to cut me open. “Not really, but I just…”
“You’re wrong.” Brow furrowed, I shake my head, desperate to make her hear me. “I cared. I’vealwayscared. I?—”
“I heard you in the living room,” she cuts me off. “I was going to march right up to you and explain, but…” Shaking her head, she swallows hard before pushing the rest of it out of her mouth. “I saw you and Paige. I watched you kiss her. You picked her up and carried her to the couch so I didn’t see the rest but Iheardher.” One of those unshed tears breaks free to slip down the side of her face. “I went back to my room but I couldstillhear her so I packed my things and I left. The next time I saw you was at Gwen’s wedding. You were Paige’s date.”
For a second, all I can do is stare at her because it’s bad. So much worse than I thought it was. “Mills…” I feel my face fall into a scowl because I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to make this better. How to make her listen. “Please, just?—”
“So, you’re right.” She twists the wrist I still have pinned in my grip, above her head. “Idon’tbelieve you.”
Even though I knew it was coming, hearing her say it is still a punch in the gut. “Mill?—”
“Let me up,” she demands quietly, her tone flat and final.
“Shit—” Letting out a shaky breath, I loosen my grip. “just listen to me, okay?” Even though I know I don’t have a choice, I can’t make myself let go of her completely because I know thesecond I do, she’s going to fight me and this is a fight I can’t win. “Please, just?—”
“Get off me, rightfuckingnow.” Tearing her wrist from my grip, she plants her hand on my chest and shoves, and instead of fighting her, I let her go.
Bolting upward, she’s in such a hurry to get away from me that she barely misses clipping my chin with the top of her head. Scrambling across the bed, she nearly loses her feet when they hit the floor and I lunge forward again, this time to catch her but she rips her arm out of my grip, stumbling back, out of reach. Swaying on wobbly legs, she glares at me and shakes her head. “It’s not a big deal, remember?” she reminds me, her tone nearly as heartbroken and desperate as I feel while she snatches a bathrobe one of us tossed on the bench at the foot of the bed. “That’s what you keep saying, right? It’s not a big deal—” Flicking me a quick look, she shoves her arms into the sleeves. “nothingthat’s happened between us is a big deal.” When she says it, I feel a lump start to swell in my throat, so cold and bitter it almost chokes me. All I can do is sit here and watch her struggle while she fights to get away from me and the lies I’ve been feeding her since the day we met. “Not if we don’t want it to be and I don’t.” Looking down, she hastily ties the belt in place. “I don’t want it to be a big deal and neither do you, right?” Looking up again, she meets my gaze and it takes everything I have to stay where I am. To stop fighting. To let it be over. To let her go. “Right?”
“Sure.” I finally answer her, forcing the corner of my mouth into the same shitty, asshole smirk I’ve given her a thousand times. “Whatever you say, Princess.”
When I say it, she makes a watery choking sound. “And youdon’tlove me.”
The smirk I’m hiding behind sharpens. “I don’t?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You don’t—you’re just using me. Just like Allister. Just like Paige.”
Now she sounds like she’s drowning, right alongside me and even though I know it makes me an asshole, I can’t help but feel like she deserves it, just as much as I do. “I think we used each other, don’t you?”
“You’re right. We did.” Giving me a nod, she gives up. “And I don’t want to play anymore either.”
Turning, she walks away from me, her unsteady gait threatening to pitch her into the wall, on her way to the bathroom. Crossing the threshold, she hits the privacy switch and disappears from view completely. A few seconds later, the tub is turned on, the loud rush of water layering itself over the sound of Millie crying.
I force myself to sit here and listen as punishment for what I did, every hard, hitching sob like a fucking knife to the chest because I knew this was going to happen. Iknewit. I knew how this was going to end. I knew that she’d never let herself believe me.
Millie’s smarter than that.
She always has been.
FORTY-THREE
Two Months Later
“Millie…” Gwen’s face crumples slightlywhen she says it, like maybe she doesn’t know what to say next. Or maybe what she wants to say is something she knows I won’t want to hear. “It’s been two months.”
I don’t need my little sister to remind me. I know exactly how long it’s been since I came home.
Walking out of that bathroom and finding Dean gone did to me what finding out that my fiancé and my best friend were having an affair failed to do.
It broke me.
I don’t know how long I sat there and cried. Until I was wrung dry and limp with exhaustion. Until I could see the push of daylight through the frosted glass of the bathroom wall. Praying he’d given up and gone to sleep, I told myself I’d get dressed, as quietly as I could, and leave. Spend the day on the beach and this time, I’d close the curtain so if Dean came looking for me again, he wouldn’t be able to find me. I’dsleepin that fucking cabana if that’s what I had to do to keep him away from me. I told myself it was because I was done pretending. I was over him and that I was telling the truth when I told him I didn’t want to play games anymore but it was a lie. The truth was, I knew that if Dean came for me, if I saw him again, I’d give in. I’dbeghim to keep lying to me.
Leaning over the side of the still running tub, I cupped my hands under the spigot, filling them with cold water before scrubbing them over my face. Turning it off, I dried my face, taking a few deep breaths when the thought of opening the door nearly drove me to the tub again.
Dean Mercer is an asshole, Millie. He’s always been an asshole—a smug, opportunistic asshole but you can hardly blame him, can you? You made it too easy for him. Your stupid legs fell open the second he touched you—I mean seriously, how desperate can you possibly be? Truth Island? What are you, twelve? Jesus Christ—you were practically begging to be used and lied to.
