“I don’t know. I hope so.” He laced his fingers through hers and kissed her hand, then pulled her even closer. “But with you here beside me, I feel happy, and I haven’t felt happy like this in a long time.”
He wanted her to agree, to say she felt the same way, but she stiffened. And pulled away slightly.
“What?” He flinched at the change in her demeanor. “What is it?”
“When you say things like that...” Her voice faded, and she averted her gaze.
“Like what?” He frowned, not sure what had upset her. “Tell me. I really don’t know.”
She gave a nervous little laugh. “Do you not see the similarities?”
He shook his head. “What similarities?”
She took a step backward. “I’m governess here. My mother was employed by Briarton Park too. It was messy. Complicated. And disastrous.”
His eyes narrowed as the meaning of her explanation sank in. “Cassandra, I’m not like Robert Clark. I would never treat a woman the way he treated your mother. Surely you can’t think—”
“No, I know that.” She shook her head emphatically. “It’s only that I’m frightened, I suppose. Last night...” Her voice faltered. “I’m frightened of what comes next. Frightened of getting hurt in a way from which I can’t recover.”
James could understand the fear of pain. He could also understand the vulnerability she must feel in her current situation. And the betrayals she’d felt by the headmistress, Mr. North, and also the young man Rachel told him about.
“Rachel told me that you had an experience similar to hers when you were younger. With a young man. Cassandra, I know what it is like to experience the anguish of a lost love.” He closed the space that she had created. “I never want to feel that again. But I also don’t want to be without love.”
At the wordlove, she tensed. “But if this all goes wrong—”
“But what if it doesn’t go wrong?” He brushed her hair away from her forehead. “We can’t wait to see what comes next in order to be happy. Oh, Cassandra. So much time has passed. We have to find our happiness. Create it. And I want to do just that. With you.”
Something akin to relief softened her expression, and she melted against him once more. He pulled her closer, feeling her softness. Her gentleness. He wanted her to trust him, really trust him, and inthat moment, he believed she did. He tilted her chin up and claimed her mouth with his.
***
“Emotions will cloud your judgment and weaken your ability to react rationally.”
The statement repeated over and over in Cassandra’s mind.
Yes, there was truth to it, but it would no longer be a truth that defined her. The emotions that Mrs. Denton had so tried to steer her away from refused to be ignored. But now, instead of melancholy, she was happy. And she would allow that emotion to guide her.
Her mother wanted to know her.
James had declared his feelings for her.
And she trusted him.
She scurried about her evening duties, checking on Mrs. Towler, seeing to dinner, and getting the girls to bed, until she was free to rejoin James in his study. Candles lit the entire space, and he’d pulled out several trunks and crates. Papers were stacked around the room, covering nearly every surface.
How tempting he looked in the candlelight.
It was hard not to notice or even to focus on anything else. His coat was removed, and he wore a blue waistcoat, and his shirtsleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His fawn-colored hair was tousled and careless, and curiosity brightened his expression.
He’d not yet noticed her, so she tapped her fingers on the door. “The girls are asleep. Mrs. Helock is with Mrs. Towler.” She stepped in farther. “It appears you’ve been busy. Have you found anything of interest?”
“Nothing as of yet, but this Clark fellow was a stickler for records.” He lifted a stack of folded papers from the top of the desk. “Look at these. Letters. Ledgers. He kept everything. There are severalstacks having to do with the mills, but from the looks of it, he had a propensity for cards.”
She lifted a portfolio and flipped open the cover. “I do wish I could have known him. Did you know your father well?”
“I did. Very well.” James straightened and lowered the paper he was holding to the stack. “But there were times we did not see eye to eye. We were quite poor when I was growing up. After my mother died, my father sold our house and we lived in the countinghouse at the mill. When he married Rachel’s mother, that was when I left the family mill and relocated to Plymouth. It wasn’t until then that we were able to prosper a bit.”
She felt quite proud of James. Having built himself up from nothing. Maybe he was right. Maybe that was why her background did not matter to him.
