It was a selfish thing to desire the alleviation of my worries when she lay so still, having been through such an ordeal, but I found my feet rooted in place at her bedside. Hoping. Praying.
I gathered her cold hand in mine and brought it to my lips, the buzz of activity around me muffled into almost nonexistence. I could not lose this woman. Every moment she did not stir, every second I did not see those eyes staring up at me, confirmed what I had so long left unacknowledged.
I loved her.
It seemed so obvious now. Even in London, I had lain awake at night, distracted by memories and looking forward to when I would see her again. Distracted by hopes of pulling a reluctant smile to her lips or being the cause of her laughter. Because even then, despite how much my soul ached to right the injustices of the past and save my friend, I had needed Annette to calm the raging sea within me. She wasn’t a distraction, but a lighthouse in the storm.
A port for a ship searching for a safe harbor.
A hand settled on my shoulder, startling me. Lady Paxton, her eyes rimmed with red, still managed to offer me a look of sympathy. She was no longer sobbing, having reclaimed most of her composure, but worry etched her brow.
“Forgive me,” said Lady Paxton. “You have all of my gratitude, Lieutenant, but I must ask you to leave.”
When my brows furrowed, she gestured to the bath currently being filled with steaming water. Warming Annette was important, but knowing that did little to cure my reluctance to leave her side.
“Yes, of course. I just…” I cradled Annette’s hand a moment longer before releasing it, but still, I could not move. What if she awoke and demanded my departure? What if, despite the way she had said my name and snuggled against me to stay warm, she could not forgive me? This could well be my last moments with her, and I was loath to abandon them.
Lady Paxton smiled slightly, seeming to understand my reluctance to some degree. “Take a moment while we finish.”
I nodded, and she left me to continue instructing the servants. I retrieved Annette’s cold hand once more and caressed it with my thumb.
“Promise.”
Annette’s weak voice drew my attention to her face, and I found her looking at me, the typical light absent from her blue eyes. Relief flooded through me all the same. Just seeing them at all eased my trepidation.
“Annette.” I sat down on the edge of the bed, bringing myself closer to her.
“Promise,” she repeated, this time her voice firmer. “You won’t leave.”
She wanted me to stay. My soul rose as if tied to a buoy.
“I promise not to leave until you ask it of me.” My response was raspy with the emotion I struggled to contain.
Annette smiled weakly, giving my hand a light squeeze. “Careful, Lieutenant. That kind of promise might keep you with me forever.” A hard shiver wracked her body, and she closed her eyes.
I brushed the wet hair from her face, then leaned forward to whisper so only she could hear. “I would not object to forever.”
Ihadmadeapromise to Annette and intended to keep it. If that meant sitting on the floor outside her room, having been kicked out of the space some time ago, then I would do so. I sat with my back against the wall, doing my best not to withdraw my pocket watch from the confines of my coat yet again. The doctor had arrived nearly half an hour ago, and my mind had not settled since.
What was taking so long? Did the man’s prolonged presence mean Annette was unwell? What would I do if she took ill and—
I smacked my head against the wall, jarring the thought to a halt. Pain ripped through my skull, but I preferred it to the dark hole my mind wandered toward. I would not entertain such possibilities. I could not.
“You know, it would not hurt you to go change.”
I glanced down the corridor to see Apsley approaching. His voice was light, but his expression somber. I had not seen him since we parted ways at the ruins. He appeared to have changed into dry clothing after fetching the doctor, something I had neglected to do. My body hated me for it, too. A castle could be quite drafty, and when one’s clothing was soaked…
Well, I had shivered a time or two since sitting down.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said once he had stopped in front of me.
Apsley folded his arms. “Even if the doctor removes from her room soon, you will not be permitted to re-enter. It is wildly inappropriate. I shan’t allow it.”
I glared at him. “Is this your way of punishing me for agreeing to your father’s schemes? Because I assure you, the guilt I already bear is more than enough to haunt me the rest of my days.”
“Good. Guilt often keeps a person from making the same mistake twice.”
I scoffed, though he was not entirely wrong. If Annette decided to forgive me—and her last words before I left the room hinted she just might—then I would do everything in my power to treat her with the respect and deference she deserved.
