“You do not understand. I wanted Margaret to find love so badly that I ignored every sign something was wrong. They were there; I just ignored them. Now Margaret is paying the price for my naivety. I can’t trust myself to discern whether a man is honorable or not. I simply cannot."
“Oh, my dear. You put too much on yourself. Margaret made a choice. I am not saying she is to blame either, but you cannot place the consequences of someone else’s decisions on your shoulders. You are no more responsible for seeing through Mr. Wilcot’s lies than I am for not seeing through Hollinsby’s sooner. It would be unfair to either of us to take so much blame on ourselves.”
“But I encouraged her.”
“And had you encouraged her against him, she may still have chosen to marry. You said yourself she was enamored. Sometimes, we become so enraptured by the idea of something—by what we believe our future should look like—that we are blind to other paths that are better and would bring us more joy. I have been rather guilty of that myself.”
I fingered the lapels of his coat, my cheek still pressed against his chest. “You have?”
“Indeed. Often, clarity only comes with time. We cannot judge ourselves for the decisions we make during our foggiest trials. It is easy to see the path once it has already been trodden and forget the challenges we faced during the journey. Uncertainty and doubt can both hinder our progress and obscure our path. None of us is immune to it.”
A loud hiccup escaped me, and the tears began flowing again. I had wanted to fall into Edward’s arms the moment he rescued me, but even then, I had not realized how much I needed his embrace, his words, his comfort. I had not properly imagined how cherished I would feel nestled against his chest or how utterly I would crumble in the safety of his arms. The fears and burdens I carried still weighed on me, but they felt far less impossible to bear.
His breathing slowed to match my own, as did the steady drumming of his heart beneath my palm. He said nothing more with words, but I felt everything in his touch. His care for me was unmistakable, and that fact unleashed the flurry of feelings I had worked hard to subdue.
Feelings for Lieutenant Paget that I had neither expected nor wished for but could no longer deny. I was falling in love with him.
Drat it all.
I chuckled with derision, and Edward pulled me away from his chest. All my silent chastisement faded as I stared up at him. It was not so terrible a thing falling for this man, not now that I knew him better and we had ceased teasing one another.
A smile curled his lips. “I would not have guessed you were such a watering pot. Miss Apsley does nothing by halves, not even cry.”
Well, nearly ceased.
My nose scrunched, and I pushed against his chest to escape his hold, my cheeks heating. But Edward did not allow me to slip from his fingers, instead bringing me back against him, his expression contrite. “I did not mean it as a bad thing, Annette.”
“No, you only wished to mock me.” Even as I said them, I knew the words were untrue. His teasing had never been served maliciously.
“I merely wished to see you smile.” He reached a hand to my cheek and gently brushed away a lingering tear. My entire body shuddered, and if Edward noticed, he kept it to himself. “I do not mind drying your tears, but I would much rather see you happy.”
“Mr. Wilcot once said such sweet sentiments to Margaret. I doubt he cares overly much whether she is fighting tears or wearing smiles.”
Edward’s lips flattened. “I amnotMr. Wilcot. Not every man would treat a woman’s heart so callously. I hope you know that. Anyone can see the love between your parents. Your father would never demean his wife that way. Nor will I.”
Had the last words come out pointed, or had I imagined it? I did not believe so, for the way he held my gaze left little room to doubt he had spoken themforme, not to me. He wanted me to know he would treat his wife with respect and dignity, and flutters tickled my stomach at the reason he would insist I knew so.
He reached for me again, this time taking a strand of my hair that had come loose from my coiffure and rubbing it between his fingers. Given my struggle against Mr. Wilcot and the tears that followed, I could only imagine how disheveled I must look. Embarrassment flooded me, and my cheeks burned.
“I must be a sight,” I said, tucking my chin.
“You are always a sight. One I never grow tired of.”
My heart quickened its pace. That was not a confession, and I would do well not to linger on it.
“Forgive me if I doubt you,” I said, stepping back. This time, his arms fell away, allowing me distance. I missed the feel of them immediately—missed the warmth and security. “I have seen the way you grimace when finding me in very unladylike states, sir. I have thoroughly scandalized you at times.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “Scandalized? I think not.”
I stepped around him and returned to the ruined wall. Running my bare fingers over the surface, I focused on the way bits of rock chipped away under my touch. Little by little, the structure deteriorated. How my life seemed to echo that sentiment. The walls I had constructed around my heart were crumbling, especially at present, and just like the ruins, such collapse posed danger.
“Your appearance, nor your behavior, has never scandalized me, Annette.”
I startled and spun around to find Edward close again. So close, I could have gripped his coat and pulled him against me. The idea was far too tempting, and I pressed my back against the stone wall, along with my palms, to keep myself from acting on the impulse.
Edward, however, seemed to have no such objection, for he took another step toward me and rested one arm on the wall above my head. He peered down at me, and that same intensity I had seen in his eyes in the alley in London appeared. My gaze dropped to his lips, so near and accessible, and longing pulsed through me. I was well aware of what it felt like to kiss this man. The memory haunted me, and I desperately wanted to know whether a second kiss would produce the same passion, the same unquenchable desire.
“Then why did you seem so displeased?” I asked in an attempt to rein in my wandering mind. “I thought you were judging me and, quite frankly, hoped it would prove to be a deterrent. Make you want to avoid me.”
