Russell laughed, and we finished our meal with lighter topics. He left directly after to ride, and once I observed him heading for the stables, I sneaked into his room and collected the remaining three cuckoo-pints. In my brother’s defense, his chamberdidsmell rather horrid, which ignited my guilt once again. At least he had agreed to put our war to rest.
For now.
I left the house and headed for the stables after disposing of the flowers in the woodland. Edward had agreed to meet me at the ruins, but we had not established a time. It was possible I might have to wait hours for him, but I did not mind the prospect. Being among the ruins brought peace to my soul. I enjoyed the solitude of the crumbling, lichen-covered walls.
Father had requested I stop going there countless times, claiming the deteriorating structure was dangerous. He was not entirely wrong; more than once, I had noted the collapse of a wall or the buckling of stone. Time could be such a menace.
Regardless, I could not keep myself from coming. The ruins called to me as a siren called men to the sea. The ancient walls captivated my intrigue and gave me a space to ponder without the weight of society or even my family. Kenwick Castle was my home, but the ruins? They were my sanctuary.
Once I had tethered Rain, I entered the ruins, tracing the lines in the stone walls with reverent appreciation. The feel of their rough surface always seemed to ground me. It was as if the stone sapped me, albeit temporarily, of my worries.
“I was uncertain whether I would find you here so early,” a familiar voice said from behind me.
I turned, dropping my hand from the wall. Edward stood beneath an old arched entry, his dark eyes watching me intently. His hair was mussed, likely from riding, and his coat a bit rumpled. Even in a travel-worn state, he was obnoxiously handsome.
He clasped his hands behind his back. “Then again, you seem to be an early riser. It should not surprise me to find you out and about.”
He had taken note of how early I rose? Knowing he observed me so closely unsettled me, but I would not let it show. “Yes, I do tend toward rising early, but I found it especially difficult to sleep in today. I admit that I’m eager for your explanation.”
His gaze dropped, and for a moment, I feared he would refuse me the information. “Might we sit down? This may take some time to explain properly.”
I gestured for him to follow me deeper into the ruins. We wandered through the crumbling walls until we neared an open room with an intricately carved stone bench at its center. The details were worn and nearly indiscernible, a pattern once etched with the precision of master hands but was now as deteriorated as the surrounding dilapidation. Above us, light cascaded through bits of the ceiling that had caved in, allowing enough illumination for us to see with additional light coming through the glassless windows.
I took a seat on the bench and smoothed out my skirts. The lieutenant took in the room, his gaze studious and pensive, before sitting next to me.
“I’ve passed these ruins dozens of times since coming to Kenwick,” he said. “I wish I had taken the time to visit them before now. They are quite extraordinary.”
His praise should not have elicited pride in me. It was not as though I had built these walls or carved the stone. Still, Edward’s appreciation for them warmed something inside me. I could think highly of a person capable of seeing the beauty in destruction.
I fought the urge to scoff. Think highly of Edward? That was not a thought I ever believed I would have, and yet…he was not entirely the man I had believed him to be either. He remained an incorrigible tease at times, but there was more to him—a deeply passionate man with firm convictions. I desperately wanted to know what those convictions were.
“This is my favorite spot in the ruins,” I said. “The quiet, the solitude—I feel oddly at home here. Connected to it, in some way. You must think it sounds silly, but—”
“Not at all.” His dark eyes settled on my face. “We all need a place like this, where we can ponder and be at peace.”
“And you? Have you found such a place for yourself?”
“I’m not certain.” He studied me, and no matter how much I ordered myself to look away, I simply could not. His stare fixed me in place, constraining me, but not in a way that made me writhe due to the imprisonment. No, instead of discomfort, I felt wholly at ease, much the same way I always felt while sitting in the ruins. Perhaps our location held all the blame, but at present, the connection tethering me to the lieutenant frightened me only in that I welcomed it.
With a quick inhale, he averted his gaze. His brows furrowed so deeply that a line formed between them. When he spoke, his voice was a soft whisper. “I’m not certain such a sacred space is always fixed to one location. Perhaps a sanctuary is not defined by physical boundaries, but rather something else. Something more.”
“What do you mean?”
He swallowed, still focused on the wall opposite us. “I’m still figuring that out myself. Regardless, that is not why we’ve met today. You wished to understand my business with Hollinsby, and I have agreed to tell you, despite my better judgment.”
I crossed my arms. “You do not trust me with the information.”
He looked at me, his gaze full of something akin to fire, and my breath caught.
“I trust you, Annette. I simply do not wish to put you in danger. Or burden you unnecessarily.”
He had said as much before, and given the silent pleading in his eyes, I would not deny his concern was genuine. What had made him agree to reveal everything to me? Surely, I had not given him a reason, not with my avoidance and open disdain.
I would not ask, not when I was so close to having answers. Drat him for making me so invested in his life.
Edward sighed. “I suppose if you are to understand everything, I must begin at the first. That is, I must begin with where my convictions on abolition first blossomed.”
I nodded my consent, and he continued, “Knowing I would need an occupation as a second son, I joined the Royal Navy at fourteen. I had always loved the sea, and it seemed an obvious choice at the time. I worked hard from the moment I stepped aboard my first ship, serving as a cabin boy for a year before being promoted to midshipman. During that time, I experienced much, from attacks by pirates to witnessing the horrid conditions aboard the slave ships. It was the latter that affected me most. Even as a young man, the conditions those people faced disgusted me. Treatment of them was nothing short of inhumane, and the more I saw, the more determined I became to see an end to it.”
