She tasted every inch of him, worshipped him in her mouth with the same reverence he’d shown her.
When he released, she drank every drop with a moan that had him seeing stars all over again.
For a moment, neither of them moved.
Then, she rose from her knees. He cupped the back of her head and pressed a slow kiss into her hair. “You okay?”
She made a faint sound of agreement. “You?”
“Yeah,” he said, trying to steady his breathing. “Better than okay.”
They stayed like that for a while—her against his chest, the night wrapped around them, the willow branches whispering overhead. Her hand moved lazily against his shirt, drawing small circles that sank through fabric and skin until he could feel the echo of every touch in his ribs.
It should have been perfect. It almost was.
Then the stillness shifted. His throat tightened, breaking the fragile calm. His demons were there still, lingering in the silence. He could feel them coming closer.
He straightened a little, his hand slipping from her hair.
“Zoe,” he started. “What happened here…it was—” He had to stop and swallow. “It was incredible. You’re incredible.”
She looked up at him, eyes wide and searching. “But?”
He raked a hand through his hair. The words tasted like ash. “I know you know this already. But I just want to be clear, I’m still not ready for a real relationship, not yet. That hasn’t changed. I wanted to let go tonight, to stop overthinking everything. But I still can’t get past it. The noise, the memories. I don’t want them polluting us, this thing between us. I need to protect you from that. I’ve got work to do, and I don’t know when—if—I’ll ever be the man you need.”
Her expression shifted, tightening. He could feel the change in her even before she spoke.
“So what was this then?” she asked slowly. “A test drive? Therapy?”
“Zoe—”
“No,” she cut in, stepping back. “You keep saying you’re protecting me, but you’re not. You’re protecting your fear. You think keeping me out is noble, but the truth is, you’re letting the darkness win.”
The words hit something raw. His jaw locked before he could stop himself. “You have no idea what darkness is.” His voice came out sharper than he meant, his voice raising much more than he ever thought it would with her. “You have no idea what it’s like to wake up and still be there—in it. Every day. You could never understand. You don’t know that kind of darkness.”
Her face went still. He wished he could take it back, but the damage was already done. For a second she stared at him, and he couldn’t read what she was thinking—hurt, anger, maybe both. Then she shook her head once.
“Maybe. But I’ve always been there for you, Jackson. I’m trying to understand. And I’ll never have a chance if you don’t let me in,” she said quietly.
She turned and walked away, the hem of her dress brushing the grass. He didn’t move.
Jackson stayed where he was, one hand braced against the rough bark behind him. The outside air felt colder now. He’d thought that for one night he could forget.
Instead, the pain was louder than ever, and so was his self-loathing.
Once again, he’d hurt the person he loved most in the world.
TWENTY-NINE
ZOE
Friday, March 21st
How had it all gone so wrong? Zoe’s heels clicked across the sidewalk, and she headed back toward Oak Way. The sky, once seeming black and endless with stars, now just seemed empty.
Zoe pressed her fingers to her mouth, almost afraid she’d imagined the heat of him, the way his kiss had sent her spinning like they were tumbling into the night sky together. For one dizzying, reckless heartbeat, she’d believed he wanted to commit to her, to everything.
And he did. She knew he did. But still he’d pulled away, letting his darkness win.
