“How old were you when they died?” I ask.
“Thirteen.”
“It’s quite impressive that you remember them so well,” I reply, gently running my thumb along the soft skin of his stomach. “Will you tell me about them?”
It’s not that I’ve never asked or wondered in all of these years, but Declan has never been so open. It feels as if the doors to an estate with treasures inside have been briefly opened. Any small piece of Declan is like gold to me.
“My mother was very funny,” he says with a crooked smile. “She had wild hair like Killian, but it was warm like Anna’s. Shewas such a good mother, and she loved us all very much. That manor was our whole world, and she never wanted to leave it. She would say that she had everything she could ever need there.”
I squeeze him tighter, noticing the hint of moisture in his eyes as he stares absently into the darkness of our room.
“Will you take me there?” I ask.
“I wish I could,” he replies.
“Why can’t you?”
He strokes my hair as he stares into my eyes. “Because I’m afraid if I take you there, I’ll never want to leave.”
“That’s okay,” I whisper. “I’d stay. I’d stay with you anywhere.”
He heaves a sigh as he replies. “I know, Shakespeare. That’s what I’m afraid of.”
I swallow the emotion building in my throat. “Tell me about your dad.”
“My da was a very serious and strict man. But he had a soft side. He loved animals, and he was always gentle with us. He loved my mother more than anything, though. I think she understood him like no one else could.”
“They sound lovely,” I murmur. “You must miss them very much.”
“I miss…” His voice trails, and he freezes for a moment, swept up in his own emotions. Paralyzed by them. “I miss the way things used to be. When life felt normal. When the sun would shine, and the future felt bright.”
“The future can still be bright, Declan,” I say, reaching for his hand. “This doesn’t need to hang over you forever. You can still be happy.”
“How?” he asks. “I can look happy. I can pretend. But I can’t feel it anymore, Colin.”
Tears prick my eyes as I crawl up and lie closer to him. Bringing his face to mine, I kiss his lips gently. “It breaks my heart to hear you say that. I just want you to be happy.”
“These summers with you make me happy,” he replies.
“Then, let’s spend all year together, Declan,” I say.
Hope, like a flood, courses through me as I stare into his eyes. And when he doesn’t immediately shut down the idea, I nearly get swept away by it.
“I’ll come to London. I can work from there,” I say, touching his face. “And you can live in London. It’s close enough to your family, right?”
“Shelby…”
“Just listen,” I beg. “Let me help you. There are therapists who deal with these things. You don’t have to live this way. I’ll be your sunshine.”
When he blinks, a tear slips down his cheek, and I lean forward to kiss the track it leaves behind. Then I kiss his lips. And when I pull away, I wait for him to tell me how this plan won’t work. How we can’t be together all year.
Instead, he whispers, “Okay.”
“Okay?” I ask excitedly.
“Aye.” He nods. “But only if you’re certain you can still work from London.”
“I’ll figure it out.”
