Ignoring my joke, she doesn’t even stop as she hollers at me in her quick pace toward the laundry to have the wet linens cleaned. “Lunch will be served inside today.”
“Fuck, sorry,” I call after her, although I’m not exactly Mother Nature. Or a weatherman.
On my way to the kitchen, I pass the dining room, where I hear more familiar voices in conversation. So I stop and take a peek.
It’s Pierce’s booming voice first, that loud American accent, that grabs my attention. From around the corner, I can see them sitting at the large table together. Pierce is leaning back in his broad chair, steepling his fingers over his chest as he smiles at Colin, whose elbow is sitting on the table, and he’s gazing lovingly at the other man.
Something inside me clenches, and I pause for a moment, searching Colin’s expression for a sign that he truly loves this man. Is he the same way with him that he was with me? Does Pierce treat him like he deserves to be treated?
Colin has always had a way of falling for the wrong guys.He loves attention, and he’ll reward anyone who gives it to him. It used to drive me mad. But now we’re in our thirties, and he’s getting married. It would be futile for me to even bother worrying about this.
Pierce mumbles something I can’t hear, and Colin smiles, almost blushing at the table, as he turns away, and I can’t take my eyes off of them. Then I hear Pierce say, “Come here,” and a protective part of me bristles.
Don’t listen to him, I think.
But Colin rises from the chair anyway and walks over to his fiancé, sitting on his lap and looking down at him with love in his eyes. I should be happy for him. Colin has found love. He’s able to be in a relationship, and that must be what I’m so jealous of. Despite everything, he was able to move on. Not only that, he was able to commit to somebody. Be vulnerable. Give his heart away. Trust that it won’t be stomped on.
He was able to do what I never could.
Colin leans down and presses his lips to Pierce’s, and my jaw clenches in response. Why am I watching this? It’s too painful.
Then Pierce whispers something, and I notice the way Colin’s spine straightens and the smile fades from his face.
“I don’t know, Pierce,” he says with uncertainty.
“Why not?” Pierce replies, rubbing his hand up and down Colin’s spine.
“Because I told you that’s not what I want to do. I don’t feel comfortable doing that here.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Pierce responds. “Do you know how special this is?”
Colin responds by standing from his lap, turning his back, and walking away from the man. A moment ago, I didn’t want to watch, and now my attention is rapt as I try to piece together what they’re fighting about.
“Will you please just listen to me this one time?” Colin pleads.
I couldn’t look away if I tried. I’m an interloper, watchinganother couple’s argument, and I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. When Colin’s eyes drift toward the doorway where I’m standing, I step backward, hiding myself behind the wall.
“Baby, I need you to trust me,” Pierce replies. I hear the chair move as he stands.
“I do trust you,” Colin replies. I know this tone in his voice. I’ve heard it before. This pleading, apologetic tone when he knows that he’s not pleasing the person he’s talking to. And I know how hard that is for him.
From the day I met him, Colin has been a people pleaser to a fault, a habit I’ve tried hard to break him of, although if I’m honest, there were plenty of times I’ve benefited from it too.
“You don’t sound like you trust me,” Pierce says. “You sound like you’re ashamed of me. Baby, this is how I am. If you don’t like it, then I should know now,” Pierce argues.
“Don’t say that,” Colin replies with desperation. “I don’t want you to feel ashamed. I’m just telling you how I feel.”
“Yeah, and you’re telling me that you don’t like the same things I like. And you’re bringing this upnow? Is this going to be a problem?”
One of them crosses the room. I can hear the sound of his heels clicking against the floor. I only notice now that my fists are clenched, and I’m holding my breath.
“Of course not,” Colin replies softly. “I don’t want any problems. Can we just have the ceremony and get married? It can be a romantic day. We don’t have to do any of this here. Another time, please?”
There’s a pause of silence. And then, “Is that really what you want?” Pierce asks. The tone of his voice makes it sound as if he’s questioning what Colin is outright saying. It takes everything in me not to storm into the room right now and tell this twit off.
And it’s even worse when Colin lets out a sigh of surrender. “I don’t know,” he mumbles.
No! Fuck him, Colin. Tell him no. Whatever this thing is, stand your ground. Please, baby, stand your ground.
