“Because if I let you call this deal off, then you’ll be making something out of nothing, and this thing between me and Colin really isnothing. The sooner I prove to you and Anna that I can do this, the sooner I have this house to myself.”
Killian nods, listening to my tirade before replying. “You know what…”
I let out a sound of frustration. “What?”
“I think you should do this wedding. The wager is back on.”
My teeth grind as I glare at my brother. He’s being condescending, but right now, I couldn’t give a shite. As long as he gives me what I want, I don’t care how he talks to me.
Crossing his arms, he tilts his head back and stares at me as if he’s so bloody wise. Makes me want to punch him in his ugly face. “You sound like me.”
“Ugh,” I groan as I bury my clay-covered fingers in my hair. Ignoring me, he continues.
“I thought I knew what I needed too. So I put up a wall between me and my wife. I wouldn’t let her in. Then, when I did love her, I was too fucking stubborn to tell her. And I nearly lost her.”
“You’re an expert on love and marriage now, is that right?”
He shrugs. “I consider myself a bit of an expert now, yes.”
“I promise you that’s not what’s happening here.”
“Okay,” he replies nonchalantly, and it boils my blood.
Instead of arguing, I roll my eyes and get back to work on the wheel. Killian stays quiet for a while as I work. This time, I’m molding and forming the mass into something without letting it break.
“You used to make art out of whatever you could when you were a kid. I remember you painting on the dinner table with your food when you were a wee babe. And whenever I’d pick on you, you’d get so cross with me, you’d lock yourself in your room and draw for hours.”
“What’s your point?” I mumble under my breath.
“You had an outlet when Mum and Dad died—a healthy one. You were only a kid, and you painted every second you were awake. For weeks on end, that’s all you did. You painted animals and landscapes and food and whatever you could think of. Anna had to start throwing the paintings in the bin because she didn’t know what else to do with them.”
“What is yourpoint, Killian?”
He leans forward, his elbows on his knees as he speaks sternly. “My point is, Declan, that connecting with other people hasneverbeen your strong suit. It’s okay; it was never mine either. We’re both charmers, charismatic for a moment when it suits us best, but the walls would go up as soon as anyone dared get too close.”
The wheel slows, and the vase built between my fingers stays upright, but I don’t take my eyes off it.
“The difference is that I put real walls up, and I closed myself in this house for six years because I was so afraid of feeling anything for anyone ever again. But you,youwent out into the world, and you met theonebloody person who made you feel safe, and you held on to him for eight years.”
“He was just my friend, Killian.”
“I believe you,” he replies. “I’m just afraid that you’re lying toyourself, and you lost the only person you ever let love you. And it hurts a lot fucking more than you’re willing to admit.”
It feels like the wind is knocked out of me. Suddenly, I want to tell Killian to fuck off and get out of my house even more. I don’t need him and his cruel observations.
So I don’t let people get close to me. It’s no wonder after everyone in my life has either died or abandoned me.
Our parents died in a crash. Killian retreated from the entire family. Lachy ran off to the States as soon as he could. Anna was the only one who truly stuck around, and even that filled me with guilt for what she sacrificed.
Colin truly was the only person I let in, and look how that turned out.
“Even more reason for me to do this wedding,” I mumble angrily. “To prove that I’m fine. That I’ve moved on, and I’mhappyfor him.”
Killian leans back as he puts his hands up in surrender. “If you say so, Declan.”
“Go back to your wife, Killian,” I say.
“I’m going,” he replies, standing from the stool and walking to the door. “I’m just glad you’re fine. Bye, Dec.”
