“What’s wrong with that guy?” he asks as we walk.
“He’s a prick,” I reply.
“And you and that guy back at the table…you’re not boyfriends, right?” Niall asks.
“Declan?” I reply. “No. He’s my roommate, and besides, Declan is straight,” I say.
Niall’s eyes are on me as we walk slowly side by side. “And you are…” His voice trails.
Glancing up and looking into his eyes, I give him a smirk. “Not.”
This makes him smile even wider. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever really said it out loud, at least to somebody other than Declan. My mother still has no idea. My father doesn’t care. Who else would I have to tell?
Saying it out loud to a stranger, and possibly going home with that stranger, makes it feel more real to myself. Like it’s not a secret anymore. Like it’s just who I am.
We walk in silence for a few moments. As I let this sink in, it feels good. I like the way this liberation feels on me. Oddly enough, I think about Declan. About telling him this later‚ this minutiae of a moment where I came out to someone for the first time and how good it felt.
And just as I’m basking in this new self-confidence, Niall whispers my name from out of nowhere. Suddenly, I’m being tugged into a dark alley between buildings. My heart pounds in my chest as he shoves me against the wall. I glance up into his eyes just before his lips crash against mine.
It’s not my first kiss. I kissed three girls in secondary school. And for the most part, they were enjoyable, but they just were what they were. Lips pressed against lips, tongues caressing. A unique form of intimacy.
But this is different. Niall groans against my mouth, his hands digging into my sides as he grinds against me. This is more than a kiss. This is sex without being sex. This is visceral and all-consuming and deliciously sensual.
I kiss him back, not quite sure what to do with my hands. They find their way to his sides, and I leave them there while his continue to explore my body.
“God, you’re so hot,” he murmurs against my mouth. This little bit of praise spurs me on and awakens something inside me.
For the first time tonight, I’m fairly confident that I can do this. I might not have been wildly attracted to Niall at first. He’sgood-looking, but there wasn’t any chemistry. Now, as he touches my body and kisses his way into my mouth, my cock begins to harden in my slacks.
And I realize—I want this.
That is, until Niall mutters darkly, “Get on your knees.”
In just a flash of a moment, everything changes inside of me.
Suddenly, the thing I was excited about a moment ago is slipping out of my control. My eyes widen. But it’s too dark and he’s too close, so he can’t see my face.
His large hand presses over my growing erection, and I let out a yelp because it takes me by surprise. It’s an invasive touch from someone I don’t know. This is hot, but it’s happening too fast.
And just like that, I’m uncomfortable. But I can’t say that now. I’ve already let him kiss me. I’ve already let him pull me into this alley and get me hard. I’ve let him touch me.
“Wait,” I mutter.
I just want it to slow down, I think in my head.
I want this. I just need a moment to think.
“Come on, Colin,” he groans. “We’re having fun.”
I kiss him again, hoping it’ll make him stop talking. Hoping it’ll make him stop everything, but it doesn’t. I hear the clang of his belt buckle as he undoes his pants.
“Wait,” I say again, but it does nothing. He continues to massage my cock, but I swat his hand away as firmly as I can without making him angry. Then I kiss him again, in a futile attempt to gain some control in this scenario, but it still doesn’t work. He’s frenzied and excited. Not cruel. Not taking something that he shouldn’t. But it’s as if he’s reading everything wrong, as if he thinks I want it this way.
What is wrong with me?Why am I not ready? I’m attracted to him. Why don’t I just suck his dick? I can do that much. And then it’ll be done. No harm.
“I’m so hard for you,” he groans against my mouth. “Please get on your knees.”
“Not here,” I reply, using our location as an excuse.
