I hear her laughter before slamming the front door behind me and stomping through the house toward the stairs.
My mind is racing as I run down the hall toward my studio, and I make my plan. I’ll move if I have to. I’ll live in Hollywood or London or on the bloody moon if he needed me to. I’ll be whatever and wherever he needs me, without question. I’ll tell him I love him, and I’ll even fucking marry him if that’s what he wants. I’ll prove to him over time that he can trust me, and I won’t shut myself off like I did last time.
And when I reach the end of the hall and step into the studio, I come to a screeching halt as I find Colin Shelby standing by the window, looking down at a sketch he’s holding. His golden wavesshine even without the sun’s rays, as pure and beautiful as the day I met him.
Every breath I drag into my chest shakes as I stare at him, trying to make time stop so I can soak in this moment.
Then, for some reason, and for the first time in a very, very long time, I feel tears begin to moisten my eyes. It stings the more I try to fight them off, but when I finally blink, they begin to spill over.
“You came,” I mumble through the tears.
“Of course I did,” he replies. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
I let out a noise like a laugh and a sob. Then, I do what feels the most natural in the moment and I drop to my knees on the floor.
“You can be as late as you want, Shakespeare. I told you I’d be waiting.”
He turns to face me, pausing for a moment when he finds me kneeling and sobbing for him.
“Oh, Declan,” he says as his face morphs with empathy. “You’re crying.”
It’s like a dam has been broken. A thunderous wave of emotion pours from my heart as I stare at him. Grief, gratitude, and love—so much love.
“You’re here,” I say, wiping my eyes.
“I told him I couldn’t marry him. I’m sorry it took longer than I expected.”
“I don’t care,” I reply with a slow shake of my head. “As long as you’re here.”
For a few moments, the only sound in the room is the rain on the windows, and it’s so beautifully tender that I don’t want to disturb it. I have so many questions, so many thoughts and apologies and promises, but right now I just want to look at him.
All I want is for Colin to cross this room and come to me, but I sense his hesitation. I don’t blame him for it. I hurt him once, and it will take time before he trusts that I will never do it again.
Colin is the first one to start, breaking the silence.
“He said you would break my heart again, and I’ll be honest, Declan. Part of me thinks that too, but I don’t stand a chance of resisting you. I’d let you break my heart a million times in a lifetime.”
This moment feels like now or never. All of the things I should have said that night as he cried in the rain, begging me to give him what I should have already given, no questions asked. I owe him that and so much more.
“I’m a fool,” I mutter from the floor. “For ever breaking your heart at all, I’m the world’s biggest fool. It was wrong of me to use you like I did and push you away, and I’m sorry, but I willnever, everbreak your heart again. Not as long as I live. I’ve got seven years of misery to learn from.”
He takes a step toward me, and it fills me with hope as I continue.
“I was so afraid of losing you, I never let myself fully have you, and for eight years, I thought I was the only one suffering for that, Colin. I didn’t see the pain I was putting you through. But if you give me another chance, I promise I will spend the rest of our lives making it up to you and proving to you just how much you mean to me. I love you with every cell in my body. Shakespeare, you are perfect, and I don’t deserve you, but I promise that I will love you enough to make up for every moment in the last fifteen years when you doubted it.”
When his throat moves as he swallows and his nostrils flare, I know he’s about to cry. Before long, tears prick his eyes as his cheeks turn pink.
“Declan, I want you to get better, and I want to be here for you when you do. I don’t want you to push me away again.”
“I won’t,” I say with promise. “I’ll go to therapy. I’ll get out of the bloody house. I’ll let my sister boss me around and make me take care of myself.”
He’s just out of reach, only a few feet away, and I wait patiently for him to come close enough to touch, but it has to be his move.He has to make this choice for himself.
“And what about me?” he asks with a hint of hesitation. “You can still give me what I need? I like this lifestyle, Declan. Can you promise me that?”
“I’ll do my best to always give you everything you need, but at times, Shakespeare, I don’t want you kneeling for me. I don’t want you toalwaysbe my submissive. In our lives, I want you as my equal. I want to hear your voice.”
He takes another step closer. “I want to get married someday, Declan. I want a life with the man I love, not one week a year.”
