For a couple of hours now, I’d been riding shotgun in Breeze’s Lam truck, while he aimlessly drove around the city. We’d left my house, after watching Ora leave in an Uber, because Breeze said that we needed to step away from that house, after all that bad energy had been floating through it.
The whole while we hadn’t said much, while my mind was racing. Didn’t know if I was coming or going, while Breeze was bobbing his head, rapping along to the music. Like he didn’t have a damn care in the world.
“Listen to this shit, Dashia,” he used my middle name, while tapping my arm. He then rapped. “Yeah, I been trappin’ ‘round the world. I sit on my balcony and wonder how you feelin’. I got a career that takes my time away from women. I cannot convince you that I love you for a livin’…”
I squinted, as I really listened to the lyrics toWait For Uby Drake, Future, and Tems, while he loudly rapped. Obviously, the song was saying something that he wanted me to hear.
“Message say delivered, but I know that you don’t get it. Why you introduce us if you knew that you was with him?Made me shake his hand when y’all been fuckin’ for a minute…”
Heat flushed across my face, as I cut my eyes at him.
“I can hear your tears when they drop over the phone. Get mad at myself ‘cause I can’t leave you alone. Gossip in messages that ain’t what we doin’, ye…”
Smiling from ear to ear, Ricky was now singing Tem’s part. “Tell me now, I need you to be clear, yeah. I won’t wait for you, for you.”
I shook my head.
“What?” He glanced at me, while lowering the volume of the music. Cutting the wheel of the truck, he swooped into the lot of a HEB, before randomly parking.
I breathed out, while anxiously twisting my lips. “I’m trying to understand you, right now. Today was crazy, and you’re just over there smiling and vibing. Like, you aint giving nothing a second thought. When we hurt people, Ricky.” I became choked up.
“You tripping,” he smirked. “The reality of the situation is that we played two different roles. So, of course,youfeel bad. You supposed to. Not saying that you a fucked-up person, but you chose to lie, while I chose the truth, Summer. I was brutallyhonest. To Ora. To you. You knew exactly what was up. But you did the exact opposite. You lied, when women really aint gotta do all that. Especially somebody like you, who really don’t need a man to take care of you. You could’ve easily told Harlem that you was only down to fuck him on your terms. That nigga would’ve went for it. But you’re so used to bullshitting and manipulating, that being truthful probably never even entered your mind. This could’ve just been us from the beginning. But nah, we had to go around the world and back again. And why is that, Summer?”
“Cause.” I tucked my lips into my mouth.
“Cause what?”
“Cause like you said, I’m scared,” I admitted.
“Scared of what?”
I exhaled. “Scared of being vulnerable. Scared of being hurt. Scared that I’ll lose myself. Because I feel like I have no control when I’m with you. I go against the very things my mind tell me not to do. I’m scared that if I really let you get ahold of me, that I won’t recognize myself after a while.”
“So, you think that everything is supposed to always stay the same?”
“No. You just don’t get it.”
“No, I get it. I just feel like you need to come to terms with the fact that you aint always right, Summer. I’ve never been the guy you made up in your head. But its cool. We both got to experience a little more, like people kept suggesting.”
“Right.” I took a deep breath. “Now what?”
“Shit, now, we live. Embrace living in our truth. Cause this shit can definitely get out. It might even get a little ugly. So, you gotta face this shit first. Be okay with being imperfect. And learn to accept that people will see them imperfections. Besides…youaint gotta be no damn angel to write books. Hell, that scandalous part of you is probably why those books move the way that they move. You know ball.”
Hearing that, I tittered, while lightly pushing his shoulder. “Boy, fuck you.”
He chuckled. “I’m for real, though. Telling the truth might actually benefit your career. You’ll just have to be on your A game with every project, because some muthafuckas will be overly critical, but still.”
I nodded. “I hear you.”
“Right. So, I guess it’s official, huh? You my gal.”
Giggling, my heart skipped a beat. “And what does that mean?”
“It means that we go together. No more staring at the ceiling some nights, wondering what the fuck you doing. Cause your ass is gonna be right there with me. But…I aint staying at your house no more.”
I frowned. “And why not?”
“Cause. You had that nigga staying there. It’s tainted.”
