“Sure.”
“Do you think Charlie’s really trying to set you up or do you think he knows something’s going on and he’s trying to force you to admit it?”
“I dunno. I hadn’t thought of that.” I huffed and buried my face in his neck. “I don’t want it to be the second, though, ’cos I don’t want him to have figured it out.”
“Why not? He’s your best friend. Don’t you want him to know?”
“Yeah, I do. But I’m not… I’m not ready for all the questions. And I don’t want him to rub it in my face that he’d figured it out.”
“Do you think he would?”
“I dunno, probably not.” I huffed again, put my arms around Ezra’s waist, and clung to him. “But if I think he’ll do that, I don’t have to think about the other option.”
“That he won’t accept you?” Ezra asked quietly.
“Yeah. I know I should be positive and think he’ll be fine about it—he probably would be—but I dunno if I believe it. Feels like it shouldn’t be that easy, y’know? Like just tell everyone I’m gay and that’s it.”
“Has that happened with any of your teammates?”
I shook my head slightly. “No, not really. Not recently anyway. But I keep thinking that maybe I’ll be one guy too many. That because it’s me, they won’t like it.” I took a deep breath,letting the smell of him flood my senses. It was weirdly calming. “Maybe I’m reading too much into it but that doesn’t mean I can stop doing it.”
“It can be hard,” Ezra said. “And trying to force positivity isn’t always going to help.”
“I fucking hate that toxic positivity bullshit. Sometimes I wanna be sad or pissed off. Not everything has to have a silver lining.” I tilted my head slightly and pressed a kiss to his neck. There was a hunger deep inside me waiting to be sated and a desperate need for distraction—a way to turn my brain off for a few minutes.
My fingers tugged at the back of Ezra’s shirt, pulling it out of the waistband of his trousers so I could slide my hands underneath it and feel the heat of his skin.
Ezra let out a low noise that sounded almost like a laugh. “What are you doing?”
“Need you,” I said as I trailed more kisses down his neck, rocking my hips against his thigh, my cock hardening in the loose joggers I was wearing.
“What do you need?”
“I don’t know.”
“You can do better than that, puppy,” he said, sliding his hand down to rest on my arse. “If you don’t know what you need, tell me what you want.”
“A distraction. Need to get out of my head.” My tongue traced across his skin and I groaned. There were too many ideas in my head, and I didn’t even know how to put them into words.
“Would you like me to suggest things?” he asked and I nodded, still grinding against his thigh as I licked and kissed his neck, trying really hard not to leave marks. I didn’t want to get Ezra in trouble. “You like putting things in your mouth, don’t you? Lollipops, pens, my tongue, my thumb…” He lifted his hand to run his thumb along my cheek, brushing it across theedge of my lips. I moaned and nodded again, willingly opening my mouth to suck his thumb inside it.
Ezra was right—I’d always liked having things in my mouth. It was comforting and calming, but I couldn’t explain why. But having his thumb there, resting on my tongue while I sucked it, felt so fucking good it made my stomach flip and my cock drip precum, my hips jerking desperately.
Fuck, if I wasn’t careful, I’d come in my pants again. And then I’d either have to go home commando or in sticky underwear.
“Mmm, you like that, don’t you? Such a pretty, wet, eager mouth. Do you want more?” he asked, his low voice making me shiver. I moaned and nodded, sucking his thumb harder as saliva dribbled out of my mouth. “Is that a yes, puppy? Want me to give you something else to suck?”
“Yeah,” I said, the word muffled around his thumb. Fuck, if he was going to suggest sucking his cock, I might pass out. I’d wanted to try it for ages, and it was one thing I was desperate to explore.
“Good boy. Would you like to suck my cock? See if you like how it feels to have your mouth full?”
I moaned loudly. “Yeah. Want that.”
“Then get on your knees for me, baby. Let’s see how well you take cock.”
Fuck me. Was I dead? I thought I might be.
I would be if he kept saying things like that.
