Danny laughed again and reached out to tap his glass against mine. “Cheers to that. I fucking hate living with other people.”
“Not in a teammate roommate situation then?”
“Fuck no!” He shuddered dramatically and pulled a face of visceral disgust. “I mean, I love them but have you met my teammates? Animals. I once went over to Ollie and Asher’s place and the kitchen was fucking vile. There was mould! And the bathroom was like every nightmare of a festival toilet at once, except there wasn’t shit on the floor. And Hunter and Bailey are just as bad, or at least they were. I think they hired a cleaner after Devon, West, and I gave them shit for the state of their place. Like I know it’s a stereotype that men will live in filth, but some of these guys actually will and it’s fucking disgusting.”
I stared at him in horror. “That sounds?—”
“Right? And I get it. Cleaning is hard if you’ve never been taught or your mental health sucks, ’cos it can be a lot, but I am not excusing these men. Also, I’ve shared a room with some of them before and they’re just as bad outside their own houses.Mostly I stick with Charlie because at least he picks up after himself, but he walks around naked half the time. And yeah, I’ve seen it all before in the showers, but I don’t need to see his dick at seven in the morning when he makes coffee. It’s not fucking necessary.”
I bit back a laugh as I took a long sip of my vodka. The way Danny talked, how animated he was and how expressive his face was, made me hang on every word he said. He was naturally charismatic, lighting up the room and drawing me in. I’d seen it before after matches when Leigh interviewed him for our social media or when he was chatting to fans or other players’ friends and families. People listened to him, smiled at his jokes, and walked away with a feeling of connection.
It was magnetic and beautiful and I wanted to be the only one in his orbit, bathing in the glow of his charm and hoping he’d notice me.
“What?” he asked, catching me staring.
“Nothing,” I said, unable to keep the fondness out of my tone. “I’m just not sure whether to be more stunned, disgusted, or unsurprised by what you said.”
“Charlie being naked is, like, the least surprising thing because most of them will get their kit off given half a chance.”
“Maybe we should try doing a naked calendar,” I mused. “We can add some strategically placed rugby balls.”
“Don’t even joke. They’ll all turn up to your office in their pants and ask where the camera is.”
“Will you be there?”
“Dunno, maybe.” He smirked, eyes dancing with the same mischief I’d seen in my office. “Would you want me there?”
“Yes.”
“Would you be the one behind the camera?”
“I doubt it,” I said, twisting my body slightly so I could face him and keeping my hand firmly on my glass before it found its way to his thigh. “We’d have to get a professional.”
“That’s a shame. I’d rather it was you.” He leant closer, his fingers brushing along my forearm. “Would you do it if we were alone? Or what if I sent you things?”
“You can definitely send me things.”
He tilted his head closer and all I wanted to do was kiss him.
But I couldn’t.
Not yet.
“Danny,” I said, sitting back and finally putting my hand on his thigh to hold him away from me. “What do you want?”
“I was going to kiss you. Why? Is that a problem?”
“No… but you can’t do it yet.”
He looked so confused. And pissed too. He really didn’t like being told what to do, like the naughty puppy I thought he was. “Why the fuck not?”
“Because I don’t think you’ve really thought this through.” I hated turning him down, especially after that kiss. But as sweet as it’d been, it was clear Danny was going through something and had decided to throw himself at the closest man he found attractive in the hope of figuring his shit out.
His approach made sense, but I had enough shreds of self-awareness left to know I wasn’t the right man for him to do this with. After all, I’d already ruined the best relationship that had ever happened to me, and I was so close to self-destructing I could almost taste it.
Danny deserved someone better than a bitter, broken man with a shattered heart and the need to control everything around him because it was the only thing that made him feel like he had any say over what was left of his life.
He might only have wanted something casual with no strings attached and no commitment beyond pleasure, but I didn’t thinkI could do that. Not because I wanted more, but because I was afraid the dark cloud of chaos that enveloped me would bleed into his life and drag him down beside me.
