“Oh?” I asked, mentally cataloguing this to ask Frankie if it was true because if so, he’d kept that very quiet. I’d have to pull him aside during the week and have a quiet word to make sure he was okay. It didn’t quite explainwhyJack wanted a sibling, but kids often wanted things they didn’t have, so I wasn’t reading too much into it.
“Yeah. They want a brother but their mummy said it’ll be a surprise.” He frowned as he shoved a sticky paw into his mouth and sucked it for a second, making me think distinctly of Winnie the Pooh and a pot of honey. “I don’t think I like surprises.”
“Some surprises are nice,” Harper said. “Like your birthday cake—that was a surprise.”
“Hmm, I ’pose.” Jack was still deep in thought, his hand going for the bowl of batter again, which I deftly moved away while pretending to spoon more into the pan. “Harper,” Jack continued. “Do you think stars like it when we sing about them?”
“Like ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’?” Harper asked, not missing a beat as he began to get plates out.
“Yeah.”
“Maybe. I think I’d like it if I was a star.”
“You’re a star to me,” I said without thinking.
“Don’t be silly Daddy, he’s not a star he’s Harper. An’ stars live in the sky not the house.”
“It’s just a nice name,” I said as I scraped the last of the pancake batter into the pan. There were more pancakes than I’d imagined, but I didn’t think any would go to waste since I was starving after yesterday. “I think you’re a star too. It means I think you’re all beautiful and sparkly.”
Jack sighed dramatically. “But I’mnotsparkly, Daddy. I don’t have any glitter.” He shot me a scornful look, as if being denied glitter was a crime against humanity. “I’m glad Harper isn’t a star ’cos he wouldn’t live here, he’d live with the moon an’ thas too far. I don’t have a rocket ship!”
He shook his head, silently judging me for providing him with a distinct lack of rockets and glitter. Truly, my son had a terrible life.
“I’m glad Harper lives here too.” I looked over at Harper again, who was now stood on the other side of the kitchen island and starting to plate breakfast up. I didn’t know if this was the best time to bring things up to Jack, but there was no time like the present. And it was better to do it now before my courage fled. “Jack, how would you feel if Harper stayed here for a long time?”
Jack looked between us and frowned, the expression the spitting image of his mother’s. “He’s already here! Why would he go?”
“He wouldn’t,” I said, flipping over the final pancakes. “Okay, so, er… you know that I love you very much. And that Mummy loves you very much. But that Mummy and I are friends and we don’t live together, and we’re not married like Addison and Cillian’s mum and dad?”
“Yes. You love me but not each other.”
I winced. “I do love your mum but as my friend.”
“Okay,” Jack said, clearly unbothered. “Can I have pancakes now?”
“Sure. Would you like me to cut them up for you?” Harper asked.
“I can do it. Thank you,” Jack said as he climbed down from his stool, pausing at the bottom to look at his hands. “Harper, my hands are sticky.”
“That’s okay. We can wash them first,” Harper said, walking around to shepherd Jack over to the sink and brushing my arm with his hand as he passed.You’re doing great, he mouthed.
I didn’t think I was but I didn’t know how to find the words. How did I explain all these big feelings to Jack? How did I make sure he still felt loved and safe but also make it clear how I felt about the beautiful man with golden hair who’d brought sunshine into my life?
Then I realised I had the perfect reference, one we’d read so many times I could almost recite it by heart.
I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice steady. “Jack, you know inPrince & Knightthat the prince is looking for a princess but doesn’t actually want to marry a princess, and then he meets the knight—”
“Who’s fighting the dragon!”
“Yes. And he falls in love with the knight.”
“Yes and they get married.”
“They do,” I said with a nod, the knot in my chest both simultaneously tightening and loosening. “Well, how would you feel if I met someone who was like my knight? If he was kind and brave and smart and very handsome. If he made me feel all warm and happy inside, even when I’m feeling sad.”
Jack pondered while he washed his hands with a small amount of assistance from Harper since he was so deep inthought and getting more water on his clothes than his fingers. “Did he also fight a dragon?”
“Sort of,” I said as I watched Harper trying not to giggle. I was sure he’d describe my initial behaviour as dragon-like, despite my good intentions.
