I was stoodin the kitchen leaning on the island, toying with a partially eaten Snickers, half wondering what to make for lunch and half staring out of the window watching rain trickle slowly down the glass. It had been drizzling on and off all morning, ever since I’d dropped Jack off at nursery, as the weather did its best to match my mood.
Was this what they called pathetic fallacy? I couldn’t remember. It had been a long time since I’d done any kind of English literature.
All I knew was the weather was miserable and so was I.
I couldn’t believe I’d messed things up so badly, but I had nobody to blame but myself. I’d told myself breaking my rules and getting involved with Matty was only going to lead to heartbreak but I hadn’t listened. It was like I’d believed this time would be the exception to all the stories and I’d get a fairy-tale ending. But the world didn’t work like that, and now I was stuck in limbo in a job and place I loved but couldn’t stay, with a man who I needed more than anything but couldn’t have.
The front door slammed and I vaguely registered it in the back of my mind. It was a bit early for Matty to be home, but I didn’t have the energy to question it. I was too busy staring at the rain on the window and debating whether it would be better to hand my notice in now to cut the pain short or stay for another month or two and drag it out in the vague hope something would change.
I might as well just try cutting my heart out with a spork. It would hurt less.
“Harper.” Matty’s voice drew my attention and I frowned slightly as I turned my head to look at him.
He was stood in the kitchen door, slightly damp from the drizzle and still dressed in his kit, his dark blue shirt with red sleeves clinging to his torso and his shorts wrapped around his thighs. I’d never seen his kit so up close and all I could think was how fucking good it looked on him. He wore it easily, like a second skin, and that confidence was almost as sexy as the kit.
“Hey,” I said, standing up straight and brushing a strand of hair out of my face. “You’re back early. I thought you didn’t finish until five.”
He shrugged, brushing my words away as he walked across the kitchen to stand in front of me, taking my hands in his. “I don’t, and I’ll have to go back in a bit. But I… I needed to see you. To tell you what a fucking twat I’ve been about this whole thing and tell you I’m sorry for not understanding why you were so worried. I get it now, and I’m really fucking sorry for being so dismissive.”
I raised an eyebrow, because this was… new. Something had clearly happened at training to make him suddenly so self-aware.
Not that it was a bad thing—it was just surprising.
“Do I want to know how you came to this realisation?” I asked, my heart racing at the feel of his hands around mine.
“Let’s just say it was a group effort and leave it at that,” he said with a tiny smile, which didn’t quite dislodge the worry lingering in his eyes. “I know we’ve done this all arse backwards, that we should have talked about things before we started messing around, and I’m sorry for letting things get out of hand.”
“You can’t take all the blame. I was just as involved as you, and I also could’ve initiated that conversation at any time.”
“I’m taking at least seventy percent,” he said. “I don’t want to pull the boss card, but since I’m the one with the power here—fuck, that sounds so shit to say—but anyway, I get why you wouldn’t want to talk to me. Especially if you were worried about your job or what might happen if you brought it up.”
“We can argue about it later.” Now wasn’t the time to get sidetracked. I wanted to hear what else he had to say. “I want to know what this means.”
“It means, I want you to stay. You’re my sunshine, Harper, and I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you. I know we have a lot of things to talk about, and I know you’re worried about how being with me will affect your career, but I promise to listen to you and figure out the best solution. Whether that’s you finding another job and me finding another nanny, whether that’s me putting money into your account every month, whether that’s you going back to do your master’s, because I really think you should do that at some point.” He squeezed my hands tighter, lowering his voice as he stepped closer to me.
“Whatever it is, we can work it out, together. Because I don’t want you to leave. I want you to be here with me, and Jack, for as long as you’ll have us. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to show you that I mean it. This isn’t a joke to me. I think what we have is special, and I want to see where it goes.”
This couldn’t be real… but it was. Matty was here and he wanted this, wantedme. And he was willing to fight for us.
If he could, then I could too. Because how often was the man I was falling in love with going to burst into the kitchen during the middle of the day to tell me how he felt?
“I want that too,” I said, my voice shaking. “I’m sorry for freaking out about it. I was so sure I was going to lose everything.”
“You don’t need to apologise. I promise.” He lifted my hands and kissed my knuckles, my stomach bubbling as heat rippled across my skin. “This career is your dream and you’ve worked so hard for it. And I’m never going to ask you to give it up. Especially not for me.”
“But—”
“No ‘buts.’ We’re going to make your dreams a reality and we’re going to do it together. Because I’m not giving you up. You’re everything to me, sunshine.”
“You’re everything to me too,” I said, exhaling a shuddering breath of relief. We couldn’t work out all the details now—there were too many variables and my brain was too busy focusing on the fact I got to have the man I wanted. “You… Jack… this family. That’s what I want. It feels selfish to want everything but I can’t help it.”
“Then be selfish. Be really fucking selfish. You deserve it.”
The last fraying threads of restraint that had been holding me back snapped. I threw myself into his arms, kissing him hard. Matty let out a surprised “oof” but he didn’t move. He just wrapped his arms around me, holding me close as we kissed like our lives depended on it, as if we needed physical proof that this wasn’t a dream.
My tongue pressed into his mouth, the taste of him making my cock throb in my jeans. In reality, it hadn’t beenthatlong since we’d last hooked up, but to me it felt like forever.
The last few days had dragged out for months in my mind, and I was desperate to reset things and draw a distinctive line between then and now before Matty had to go back to training. If only so I didn’t spend the rest of the afternoon moping around the kitchen and doing nothing except watching the rain on the window.
