“Yes.” Her mouth pulled slightly, like it often did when she was thinking. It was one thing I still noticed about her. “The fact that you said that… You’ve grown up a lot. I don’t think I’ve heard you do that before.” She smiled slightly. “A shiny spine looks good on you.”
“I’ve always been like this, haven’t I?” I asked, confused by her thoughts.
“Yes and no. I think with everything that happened… with me, with Jack, with your parents… I think it’s made you a bit more willing to stand up for what you want.”
I nodded briefly, suddenly knowing what she meant. For years I’d tried to just let my parents’ criticisms and overbearing, meddling behaviour roll off my back. I’d known they’d never liked Hannah, but I thought I’d done a good job of keeping them in check. Then when we’d found out about her pregnancy, they’d gotten worse, especially since it had been an accident and we hadn’t even been together. And after Jack’s birth, when Hannah had been diagnosed with severe perinatal depression, my parents had just continued to escalate.
I still had memories of coming home to find Hannah locked in the bedroom, sobbing, with my mum holding Jack and telling me how unfit Hannah was to be a parent.
My mother had never set foot in the house again after that.
Hannah still wouldn’t tell me what Mum had said to her and I doubted she ever would, but that day had been the slap in the face I needed to realise my parents were never going to stop. And I had to get my act together to protect my son and his mother.
It was probably part of the reason I’d veered so far into overprotective, because I’d failed once and I wasn’t going to do it again.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I should have stood up for you more. You shouldn’t have had to go through what you did, especially not when you were already struggling.”
“It’s fine,” she said, putting her hand on my arm. “You’ve apologised enough.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Just… promise me you’ll talk to Harper and then we can all have a conversation. Jack has to come first here, okay? And I want you to be happy but I don’t want anything putting Jack’s care at risk. Besides, we both know Harper’s the only nanny who’s ever stayed for more than two weeks, and you can’t afford to lose him.”
“I don’t want to lose him.” Clarity smacked me around the side of the head so hard it felt like I’d been tackled. “Yeah, he’s Jack’s nanny but he’s so much more than that. He’s… fuck, Hannah, I really like him. He makes me feel like a person again. Not just a dad or a captain, but someone who has needs and wants and dreams. He’s my sunshine.”
“Then tell him that,” Hannah said. “But just know, he might need space while he figures it out. Especially because this involves his career… and you’re only talking about it because I found out.”
“I wasn’t going to mention that.”
She raised an eyebrow in wry amusement and pity. “He’s going to know.”
“How?”
“Because he’s standing right behind you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Harper
“What’s going on?”I asked, standing in the kitchen doorway with Jack on my hip, his head buried in my shoulder. He was so tired, he’d almost fallen asleep in the garden, the excitement of the day having worn him out.
I’d brought him in with the intention of putting him down for a short nap to recharge before dinner, but I’d apparently walked into a conversation about me… and Matty.
Panic welled up inside me as I realised Hannah knew about us. And although I’d missed too much of the conversation to work out how she felt, it was clear she wanted us all to talk about it at some point. She was rightfully worried about Jack coming first, but then Matty had said something about me being more than a nanny. I hadn’t really been listening, though, because the thoughts rushing around in my mind were all about how I was going to lose my job.
“Oh,” Matty said as he turned to face me, his cheeks above his beard flushing scarlet. “We were just talking.”
“About me.”
He nodded. “Yes.”
I licked my lips nervously, glad he wasn’t trying to hide it at least. “Jack fell asleep,” I said, because it was the only thing I could think of to say. “I was going to put him down for a nap.”
“I can take him,” Hannah said. She stepped towards me wearing a kind smile, but I felt myself freeze and tense. I didn’t want to be here, but unless I turned and fled there was nothing I could do. I wanted to roll back time and stay in the garden, blissfully ignorant of what was being discussed and pretending I could have everything.
Jack slipped from my arms and I watched Hannah carry him away, staring at the kitchen doorway long after they’d disappeared through it, my gaze turning fuzzy as I forgot to blink.
“Harper—” Matty started, his voice almost sounding far away, but I cut him off as I turned to look at him.
