“About Jack.”
“Abouteverything.”
I sighed, not quite meeting her gaze. “Can we not do this now? Please? It can wait until after the party at least. Then we’ll talk about it. I promise.”
“Fine, but I’m not leaving until we do. I’ll sleep here if I have to.”
“I know you will.” I tried to smile but all I could manage was a grimace. “Just… don’t blame Harper. This is on me, not him.”
“Oh, I’m definitely blaming you,” she said coldly and I shivered. It was times like this she almost scared me because there was no hiding anything and no running away. In the past I’d admired this side of Hannah while hoping I’d never be on the end of it. But there was no escaping now.
This wasn’t how I’d wanted any of this to go. I hadn’t even had a chance to talk to Harper about what we were to each other and what we wanted. That was my fault, but I’d been so worried about pushing him and asking for something he wasn’t ready to give. But now I realised I had no idea if this really was just casual—even though it didn’t feel like it—or whether he actually wanted a relationship.
I knew what I wanted, but I couldn’t decide for both of us.
And now Hannah was going to ask questions I didn’t know the answers to. I’d been trying to have my cake and eat it too, but instead a trapdoor had opened up underneath me.
The worst part was I’d have to tell Harper that Hannah knew.
There was a good chance he’d run screaming and everything would end up in flames. I’d have to pick up the pieces and I’d have nobody to blame but myself.
This was going to be such a fucking mess.
I still didn’t regret it, though. Whatever I’d started with Harper was worth what came next.
Hewas worth it.
I just had to hope he’d be around for me to tell him that.
“I’m going to take these outside,” I said, holding up the platter. “Are you coming?”
“Yes,” Hannah said. She was still watching me closely, as if she was trying to peel back the layers of my soul.
“We’ll do the cake in a bit, once the games have finished.”
“Sounds good.” She paused and for a second she almost looked uncertain. The expression looked strange on her, simply because I hadn’t seen it for a long time. “Despite what you might think, I’m not doing this to hurt you. I don’t want to be a villain in this situation, but you have to know why it’s important to have this conversation.”
“Yeah.”
She let out a soft laugh. “God, you’re a terrible liar. Always have been.” She smiled sadly as she walked towards the kitchen door, the sound of children’s laughter bubbling in from outside. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Harper I know. I’m sorry, Matty.”
“Why?”
“Because I know whatever happens, you’re probably going to hate me for it.”
“No, I won’t.”
“We’ll see.” She walked away, leaving me standing there in stunned silence.
I took a deep breath and composed myself. The last thing I wanted was for someone to notice something was wrong.
Outside, a group of toddlers were running around like a line of excited, shrieking ducklings behind Sally fromThe Nightmare Before Christmas, who looked so much like the film come to life I’d done a double take when I first saw her. There were a few parents supervising, including Kegan and Frankie, and the rest of the rugby guys who’d turned up were all hanging out and chatting with some of the mums from nursery. None of whom looked upset about the arrival of half a rugby union team.
Harper looked like he’d been scooped up by Mason and company, and I realised at some point I was going to have to explain why I hadn’t told Harper about Rory and Ryan or that he’d gone to the variety night. I’d add that to my list of explanations I had to give.
West saw me and waved, and since Mason and the rest of them were stood near the food, I couldn’t exactly avoid them.
“Hey, there you are,” Mason said. “We thought you’d gotten lost.”
