Harper
The morningof Jack’s birthday dawned bright and warm, but I’d already been awake for two hours by the time the sun rose because Jack had decided that three AM was a perfectly acceptable wake-up time and had refused to acknowledge that it was far too early to get up.
I’d taken him downstairs to do some yoga and a few Pilates stretches in the playroom, hoping it might burn out some of his energy and excitement by getting him to focus. Then I’d read him some of his favourite books, and eventually he’d crashed out again in my lap, snoring like a jet engine. I half wondered if his dad did the same, but we hadn’t shared a bed yet, so I had no way of knowing.
Matty had come down at five and found us on the playroom sofa, his smile so rumpled and beautiful I thought my heart would melt.
He’d scooped Jack up and taken him back upstairs, carrying him towards Matty’s room. He’d shot me a look that said I could come too. That we could all relax in his room and the two of uscould talk while Jack slept. But we both knew it was impossible, which was why he hadn’t said it.
Instead, I went back to my room and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering what the hell I’d gotten myself into. My feelings for Matty were far too real to ignore now but today was not the day to deal with them.
By the time my bedside clock hit seven, I gave up pretending I was going to get any more sleep, so I showered and went back downstairs to start decorating and prepping breakfast. Technically, it was my day off but I wasn’t going to miss being here for a second of Jack’s birthday. Not only because I’d organised most of it but because I adored him and I wanted to spend the day celebrating with him.
Besides, I’d pretty much always gone to my children’s parties in the past, so it wasn’t that unusual for me to be here. Nobody at the party would think it was strange, and I was going to use that to my advantage. Then I could pretend… something. That Matty and I were together?
That we were a family?
“Get it together. You’re being ridiculous,” I muttered to myself as I grabbed the helium balloons we’d stashed away in the utility room and put them out along with a big banner I’d ordered off Etsy that said Happy Birthday, Jack. It was orange, black, and purple in keeping with the half Halloween theme and had dinosaur skeletons on in keeping with the other half.
Above me, I could hear Matty and Jack moving around, Jack’s laughter audible through the floor. The sound was so bright and sweet I wanted to hear it every day. I wanted to be here to see what sort of person he became, to be a part of his life through all the good days as well as the hard ones.
As ridiculous as my dreams were, I couldn’t bring myself to part with them.
I wanted to live in them for just a little bit longer. Another day, another week, maybe even a month. Until reality popped our bubble and brought us back down to Earth with a bump.
“Harper! It’s my birthday!” Jack yelled, interrupting my melancholy musings as he came tearing into the kitchen wearing his favourite orange T-shirt. He must have had another sudden growth spurt because it was starting to look too small on him. He really was getting big. Luckily, we’d bought him a new T-shirt for the party later as a surprise.
“It is,” I said, bending down to give him a hug and a kiss. “Happy birthday!”
“Did you know I get a birthday every year?” he asked in a delighted whisper, like this was some secret he’d only just discovered.
“I did.”
“Do you get one too?”
“I do, and so does Daddy.”
“Daddy gets a birthday? But he’s so old.”
“Hey! I heard that,” Matty said, walking into the kitchen and ruffling Jack’s hair fondly.
“Daddy, did you know Harper gets a birthday too?”
“I did,” Matty said with a smile that felt like someone had injected a shot of espresso straight into my exhausted veins. “Maybe when it’s his birthday, we can do something fun for him. But first… I think you should go and look over there.” He gestured towards the far end of the kitchen, which led into an open plan dining room we hardly used. It was where I’d put out the decorations and where Matty had put a few small presents for Jack to open.
There was one from me too—a marble run, because I knew it would make Jack laugh as he watched the marbles go running through the tunnels and towers he’d built for them. I still had very fond memories of the one I’d had as a kid.
Although hopefully Jack would not try launching the marbles off the stairs and nearly break his dad’s leg in the process.
The climbing frame, which Matty and Hannah had purchased between them, was being delivered and assembled on Tuesday while Jack was at nursery. We’d already bought a large bow to stick onto it since it wasn’t exactly something we could wrap.
“Did you manage to get any more sleep?” Matty asked as Jack zoomed off. His nap had clearly recharged his batteries and I doubted he’d sleep at all now until after the party.
“A little.”
Matty hummed and looked at me with pursed lips. “Not sure I believe that.”
“Did you?”
