“That would be awkward considering I’m supposed to start work tomorrow.” He smiled as he slid them into my arms, and my stomach twisted. Bollocks. Had he thought I only wanted tohelp him because of that? “I’ll go and get another box. Don’t worry, I’ve only got a couple more and a suitcase. I travel pretty light!”
He walked off before I could tell him I didn’t want him to get hurt because I’d suffered enough random injuries in my life not to wish them on other people, disappearing out of sight before I found my tongue and by then it was too late.
God, why was I so fucking awkward? It was like I’d lost all my people skills the moment I’d first answered the door to him.
I wanted to tell myself it was because I wasn’t used to having another adult around to talk to, but I spent all day with the guys at training, so it wasn’t like I was totally isolated. Then again, I didn’t know if some of the rugby boys counted because they could be childish as fuck. At least a third of them were still in their laddish, fuckboy stage, and it was hard to think of guys who played flaming asshole and drank dirty pints as sensible adults.
But deep,deepdown—to the point where I was actively trying to ignore my feelings—I knew the real reason I was flustered was because Harper was fucking gorgeous.
He was a couple of inches taller than me with long golden hair that was currently tied up in a messy bun, soft grey eyes, and a sunshine smile that made his whole face light up. I’d noticed he had painted nails too, with little fruits stamped onto colourful backgrounds, and I knew as soon as Jack saw them he’d be obsessed because he loved seeing what people had on their nails. We’d even taken to painting his to match Hannah’s because hers were always bright and sparkly and it was a way of helping him feel connected to her.
I shouldn’t have been focusing on Harper’s looks because he was here to do a job, but somehow they’d been all I’d managed to think about since his interview.
I needed to get it together before I said something stupid and got myself blacklisted from every nanny agency between hereand Land’s End in the blink of an eye. And then I needed to work out how to deal with my painful loneliness.
Maybe I’d have to see if Harper could babysit one evening so I could try dating again. Of course, I’d actually have to find someone to go out with first and that was more of a mountain than a mild hurdle, but there were plenty of apps I could sign up for. So what if it had been a long time since I’d been on anything resembling a date—I was sure it wouldn’t be that difficult to get back into the swing of things.
Or maybe I’d skip the dinner part and just find someone to hook up with.
I wasn’t even going to think about the last time I’d had sex.
Safe to say, it had been a while.
“Don’t even think about it,” I muttered to myself as I began heading towards the stairs, striding up them so Harper didn’t catch up with me and realise I’d been loitering. “You know it won’t end well.”
Harper was here to look after Jack, nothing more, nothing less.
My personal problems were none of his business.
“Good morning,” Harper said as I stumbled sleepily into the kitchen on Tuesday morning, wondering why Jack hadn’t woken me up at the crack of dawn with his customary singing or a sharp kick in the ribs. “Sleep well?”
I blinked slowly, staring at the man standing by my oven stirring something in a saucepan while my brain booted up slowly like an ancient nineties computer. How fucked was I that one night of uninterrupted sleep was apparently enough to wipe my entire memory? “Er, morning. Yeah, not bad, thanks. How about you?”
“Good. Jack woke up quite early, but I was already awake, so I diverted him from disturbing you and we came downstairs to do some yoga.”
“Yoga?”
“Yes!” Harper’s smile was almost as bright as the sun pouring in through the window. “I did a course in children’s yoga a couple of years ago. It’s really good for helping them focus their energy and connect with their body. Plus I like doing some of the more gentle stretches, and I find they usually want to join in when I start, so it’s a way of letting them do that without hurting themselves.”
“That’s actually a great idea,” I said slowly as I looked around, trying to work out where my toddler was hiding and mentally preparing myself for another Cheerios disaster.
“Down here,” Harper said, nodding his head in the direction of the floor next to him. I walked around the kitchen island that had been blocking my view to see Jack, fully dressed in a T-shirt, shorts, and cardigan with his Halloween slippers on, sitting on the floor with his giraffe and flicking through a picture book. The whole scene was so strange I had to blink twice, hard, just to believe it.
Since when did my two-year-old sit quietly on the floor before breakfast? Had he suddenly been replaced by a changeling child while I slept?
Not that I was complaining. It was just really fucking odd.
A gnawing feeling of guilt and inadequacy rose inside me. I didn’t know if this was simply a one-off because he was still settling into Harper being here and the new routine, but there was a little voice in the back of my mind whispering that I was a pretty shitty dad for never having managed anything like this. And if Harper could do it in two days…
“Daddy!” Jack spotted me and jumped up, dropping the book on the floor as he ran over to me, Giraffe tucked under one arm.
“Hey, mate,” I said, scooping him up for a kiss and breathing in the scent of his apricot shampoo. “Did you have fun this morning with Harper?”
“Yes! I touched my feet.” He wiggled out of my arms and began to demonstrate touching his toes with great fanfare, waving his arms each time like he was conducting an orchestra, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth like he always did when he was concentrating.
“Very good,” I said. “Shall I see if I can do that?”
“No, Daddy. It’s mine.”
