Hannah laughed and then shot me a wicked look. “And what’s tort?”
“Oh… fu—fishcakes,” I said. She had me there. It was something legal, and I was sure Hannah had explained it multiple times, but all I could think about was torte cake.
“Thank you.” She shot me a satisfied smile. “Oh, I meant to ask you. What are we doing about”—she dropped to a mouthed whisper—“Jack’s birthday?”
“Not sure yet. I’ll let you know.” Mostly because I hadn’t even started thinking about it. I should have, because it was only a few weeks away and I was pushing it to get anything organised. But with Harper starting and then getting lost in my feelings, plus training and everything else, I hadn’t even thought about it. A pang of guilt wrenched my stomach because Jack knew what his birthday was this year and I wanted it to be a memorable one. And it wouldn’t be if I couldn’t get my fucking act together.
“I’ll coordinate,” Harper said, looking between the two of us. “Hannah, just let me know if there’s any dates you can’t do. That would be fab. I’m sure you’ve already told Matty, but if you can let me know too, I’d really appreciate it.”
“Of course,” Hannah said as she pulled out her phone while I mouthedThank youat Harper.
We chatted for a couple more minutes while a few people from the team drifted over to say bye and I told them I’d see them on Tuesday when we came back to training. As I looked around the room, I saw Ezra with someone from the marketingteam, the two of them deep in conversation and comparing things on various devices.
Jack was starting to doze off in Harper’s lap, the sausages and general exhaustion of the day finally getting to him. “I think that’s our cue,” Hannah said. “I don’t think either of us will be late to bed tonight.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with another night?” I asked as she picked up her handbag. Even though we always agreed Friday night until Monday morning, when Hannah would drop him off at nursery, I never wanted her to feel pressured. “I can take him now if it’s easier.”
“No, I’m good. But I’ll let you know if anything changes,” she said, shooting me a little smile. She bent slightly and spoke to Jack, who put out his arms, clearly wanting to be carried.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, after nursery,” I said and leaned in to give Jack a little kiss. It always hurt watching him leave with Hannah, even if I was glad they got to spend time together, because there’d been a time when I’d wondered if it would be possible.
“Bye, Jack,” Harper said, giving him a little wave as the pair of us stood and watched them go, giving Hannah a bit of space so Jack didn’t think he was coming with us. I could feel Harper watching me as the crowd began to thin out around us. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I am. It’s just… always weird not having him at home.”
“It has been a lot quieter. And there are fewer Cheerios on the floor.”
I chuckled softly. “Yeah, that’s true.”
“Bit too quiet, though.” Harper smiled softly and it looked like his heart was aching like mine. And that made the pain in my chest double, the feeling exploding through me with such force I had to stop myself from physically grabbing my shirt.
“Yeah,” I said in a strangled voice. “Not really used to it.”
“You probably won’t ever be,” he said. “Sorry, I know that’s not particularly comforting.”
“No, but I wouldn’t trade it if it means Jack gets to spend time with Hannah.” I wondered if I should say more, but I wasn’t going to spill Hannah’s personal struggles, even if I thought Harper should know. If she wanted to tell him, she could, and hopefully he’d understand why I’d never said anything.
Harper glanced down at the floor and nodded. “She’s really nice, and it’s obvious she cares about Jack, even if things aren’t always easy.”
She had said something then. I wondered what.
“She does want to know if you want to go halves on a climbing frame set for Jack’s birthday, by the way. She said she’d mentioned it last week?”
“Shit, I forgot to look at it,” I said, rubbing my face. “I’ll do it when we get home. If you’re ready to go?”
“Whenever you are.”
“Cool, let’s go then. Before anyone stops me. And I’d like your opinion too, because I’m not sure if the climbing frame is a good idea. I mean he’s only three. Is it too much for him? Will he hurt himself? Not that he’d be using it unsupervised, but still. I’m not sure if I’m being too protective, though. And I think the set Hannah found has swings, a slide, and like a little house? Kind of like a treehouse without the tree. It’s not a cheap one either, so I don’t think it’d fall apart, and I assume it’ll have had good safety testing, but still.”
I was spiralling, that much was obvious, but all Harper did as we walked out the door and down the stairs was put his hand on my arm and squeeze gently.
“It’ll be okay,” he said. “We can look at it together and explore some options. But climbing frames and playhouses can be really good for kids. They help with staying active, improving coordination, giving them a space to use their imagination asthey play, and they’re great for socialising too if Jack ever has play dates with other children from nursery or school. Plus, it would last him a while. He’s not going to grow out of it overnight.”
“You’re right,” I said, nodding as we walked towards my car. I’d given Harper a lift earlier to save taking three cars, and it felt so natural for him to slide into the passenger seat alongside me. I reached out and brushed my fingers across his. We had one more night with just the two of us, and suddenly I remembered everything I’d been thinking about in bed that morning.
I shouldn’t have been doing this. Shouldn’t have been remembering how it felt to come with Harper’s name on my lips. But would it matter if it was only one night?
Onemorenight.
