“I… I was…” Her heart would race. Her nerves would grow. And anger would brew inside of her because she should not have been in this position in the first place! “Might you pass the salt?” she would pivot inevitably, cursing herself silently for being such a coward.
Relief could always be seen in Sebastian’s eyes when she dodged the question. Again…he knows what he is doing. A shame then that he is even more of a coward than I am.
And once they finished eating, he would rise quickly, always before she was done, as if he was trying to escape. “It is time that I turn in…” He looked past her, determined not to meet her eyes. “I shall see you tomorrow.”
“Likely,” she would sigh. “But I will not hold my breath.”
Sebastian never stayed after that. He strode from the dining room and out the door, the sound of his footsteps echoing in the distance until silence greeted her once more. And there she would sit, playing the dinner over in her head, wondering always how much longer this could go on.
Is this what awaits me for the rest of my life? A marriage of loneliness and awkwardness? I might be a duchess, this might be what I once thought I wanted, but nobody should have to live this way. And not when we both know it could be so much more.
Something needed to give, of that there could be no doubt. Only how it might and who would be the first to break, Margot could not say. Were she not so stubborn, perhaps she would be the one to force the issue. But she was that, and she did not want to give Sebastian the satisfaction. Stupid, she knew, but Margot wasn’t known for making smart decisions. If she were, she certainly would not be in this mess in the first place.
Sixteen
“Margot, is something the matter?” Elizabeth asked warily.
“Hmm?” Margot had not been paying her cousin attention, saving it for across the garden as her frustration steadily brewed. But she turned to hear the question, blinking back her surprise when she saw both her cousins watching her with clear concern.
“Well, that answers that question,” Elizabeth said.
“What’s the matter?” Arabella asked her, leaning across the table and resting her hand on her leg. “You have been acting strangely all day.”
“Have I been?” Margot responded innocently. “I have not meant to be.”
“It’s that bad?” Elizabeth grimaced. “I thought things were improving?”
“Me too,” Arabella agreed. “They looked as if they were.”
“What are the two of you talking about?” Margot sighed, even if she knew the answer. A part of her wanted to dismiss the conversation entirely, because to speak of it brought nothing but pain. While another part knew she needed to speak what was on her mind, desperate as she was to get it out there rather than stewing in silence.
“Your marriage to the duke,” Elizabeth confirmed. “Obviously, that is what is troubling you – and do not dare lie to us, Margot.”
“You have not given me the chance to yet.”
“Ha!”
“We thought it was getting better,” Arabella said, concern painting her voice and clear across her face. “The Marlow garden party last week…” She looked at Margot hopefully. “It appeared that the two of you were…” She trailed off, not daring to speak it.
“We saw you just three days ago,” Elizabeth said. “You did not say anything was wrong.”
“And I still have not said it.”
Elizabeth looked at her flatly. “Nor do you need to. Since arriving, you have been as present as a ghost. With a mood to match a mule being taken out to pasture. What happened?”
“Did he do something?” Arabella asked. “Tell us.”
“Yes, tell us,” Elizabeth agreed. “We want to help.”
She scoffed. “I am beyond helping.”
“Then it sounds like times are ripe for complaining,” Elizabeth said rightly. “To which, we will happily lend our ears. Now, come…” She shifted closer down the table, a look on her face that told Margot there was no point in arguing. “What is happening with the two of you? Clearly, it is something.”
Margot considered, her insides twisting as the truth reared its ugly head. Her worries formed on her tongue, but before she unleashed them, she glanced across the garden, finding Sebastian right where she had last seen him.Standing as far away from me as is possible by the looks of things.
He had been doing the same all day, since the moment they had arrived. Funny that when he was the one who suggested they attend this luncheon, she had dared to think that maybe he was finally ready to give in to what she suspected he wanted, sick of ignoring her as he had been doing, and ready to try again. For a day and a night, she had looked forward to today like nothing else, picturing it to be a repeat of the last time they had left the home together. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth.
The moment they arrived, Sebastian left her. He did not say what he was doing, who he was seeking out, or suggest he would come to find her again. Rather, he had simply walked away, and from then on stayed away, happier speaking with men shesuspected he did not like because he would rather have done that than be with her.
