As to what this might mean for the future? Sebastian was determined not to succumb to desire, knowing full well that he was only so strong.I do have a reputation for good reason.
“If you say so,” Alaric said simply. His words suggested that he believed Sebastian, but the look in his eyes told him differently.
Indeed, the other two also fixed Sebastian with a look that told him his lies weren’t being swallowed so easily. Not surprising, as they knew the man to whom they spoke, just as they knew how weak-willed he was in the face of a beautiful woman. Oh sure, he would try his best and do all he could to control himself, but his lust for his wife was a beast not so easily tamed.
More than that, despite how I tell myself that I wish to control this beast… There is a very large part of me that wants no such thing.Such was Sebastian’s current state, a situation which he knew would worsen long before it got better.
Twelve
Margot read the letter a second time… and then a third time, as if the words might have changed, thus making the choice she faced a far simpler thing to reason with. Of course, they did not change, and upon a fourth reading of the letter, she knew that this was one problem she’d need to face head-on, rather than hoping for a miracle to rescue her from it.
The letter had arrived just this morning, sent by her cousin Arabella. It was an invitation, asking Margot to attend a garden party later in the week.More like begging, for that is what she is doing. Knowing too well how difficult it will be for me to say no. Well played, Arabella.
Her cousin was a timid creature, and ever since the scandal that had dogged her name, she was not capable of socializing without the support of her family and friends. Elizabeth would be there, of course, likely the one who was insisting that Arabella attend in the first place. But Arabella was determined in her letter thatMargot be by her side, for she needed her cousin there with her as she always did.
Margot bit her lip as she considered what to do…
Times were that I would simply attend on my own, happy to support Arabella because she needed to integrate herself back into society, and a garden party like this was a perfect chance for just that. But times are not what they were, hence the confusion.
Now that she was married, Margot could not go to this party alone. It was expected that her husband would join her, for if he did not, it would only add to the rumors which they had worked so hard to stifle. This meant that if she did mean to go, she needed to ask Sebastian to attend with her. As to what his answer might be… Margot could not say what she expected or what she wanted.
If he said no, she might feel relieved.
If he said yes, she might panic.
A no would at least allow for her and Sebastian to continue in this strange mode of behavior they had fallen into, a determination to avoid each other at every step. A yes, however, would force them to spend time together, which itself was dangerous for reasons she didn’t need to think too hard on, for they were patently obvious to her.
Worse still, whatever his response, that she was asking him at all might be interpreted by her husband as Margot wanting to spend more time with him.Knowing him, he will take it as an invitation to pursue me, as I know he is desperate to do. And where she was still happy to tell herself she wanted nothing to do with him, that was a lie which was getting harder to accept with each passing day.
What to do… what to do… what to do…
Margot spent the morning with that letter, going over in her head the options she had. In the end, she knew that there was but one right path to take, even if she was not looking forward to it. She had to ask him, that much was clear. In so doing, the onus would fall on Sebastian’s shoulders, and from his response she might be able to glean what exactly it was that her husband wanted.
Not that I do not know what he wants! Even if he has done everything he can to prove otherwise. It is all very confusing. At the very least, this right here might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, finally.As to whether this was a good thing or not… Margot supposed that time would tell.
She decided to wait until supper before asking the question – the fact that this was the only time that she and Sebastian spent together made the decision easier.
Even then, the supper unwound in typical fashion. An awkward silence peppered with small talk to begin with, both careful not to let their conversation divert down the path of bickering andteasing, as both seemed to understand the risks involved in such a thing. As they ate, she eyed her husband curiously, noting how focused he was on his food, how determined he was not to be drawn in.
It is a strange thing to think, but he’s not at all what I expected. Oh, sure, that side of him is certainly there, but that he is so determined to keep it hidden from me suggests there is more to him than meets the eye.
“Sebastian,” she started eventually, knowing she could not avoid the topic any longer. “Might I ask you a question?”
He was chewing on a lamb chop but made sure to swallow before finally looking at her. When he did, it was careful and studied, his stare forcing itself above her chest to meet her eyes without that coy smirk that was so often hidden behind them. “Of course,” he said simply.
“A letter arrived for me today,” she began, speaking slowly as she watched her husband for his reaction. “From my cousin, Arabella. Attached to it was an invitation to a garden party being hosted by Lord and Lady Marlow…” She trailed off, still watching him closely.
“And I take it that you would like to go?”
“Oh…” She shrugged as if the thought had not occurred. “My cousin wishes for me to go – she is rather shy and awkward in social situations. She was hoping I might attend for support.”
“Is that right?” A smile tugged at the side of his mouth.
“I would go alone,” she hurried to say. “Only that might not be proper. Despite the circumstances of this marriage, I realized that it would only be right if I checked with you first.”
“You would like to attend on your own?”
“No – I mean, I am not sure.” She grimaced to herself, forcing composure. “It would be a strange thing if I were to go alone, as we are married, so the two of us would be expected, no? With that in mind…” She bit her lip, trying to work through what she wanted to say.If only I knew. “If you do not wish it, that is fine too. Truly, I do not – I just thought it best that I let you know so that you can decide.”
