“But…?”
“I disturbed him when I got up early to get the bus. I got home too late, so we didn’t get to spend much quality time together. I was tired and wasn’t as attentive as I should have been.”
Jimmy draws his brows together tighter and tighter as I talk.
“I tried, but I failed as a husband. But by the time I realised it, I was partway through my third year, and I’d racked up so much debt that I couldn’t give it all up. I just couldn’t.”
“He asked you to?” Jimmy’s voice is strained.
“Not in so many words.”
Jimmy releases a strangled sound.
I spread my fingers wide and stare at my hands. “I guess I did choose my career over him. Not intentionally, but it must have felt that way to him. I should have known it would put too great a strain on our relationship and picked another degree. Or not bothered withuni at all. I could have worked while he studied. Maybe we could have afforded a little flat together or something. Everything could have been different.”
Jimmy balls his hands into fists. “Right now, I’m hearing you take the blame for everything.”
“It was my fault.”
“Was it?”
I look up, my stare colliding with us. I suck in a breath. His eyes are so beautiful. Dark and broody. But it’s weird because his eyes are a mirror reflection of Billy’s. The same colour. The same intensity.
“Because it sounds to me that you made a lot of sacrifices, while he made none. You were exhausted, while he made demands on you.”
I shake my head. “No. It wasn’t like that at all.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Wasn’t it?”
I lower my gaze and make myself as small as possible. Maybe it was like that. “I tried,” I whisper. “I loved him.” Tears prickle my eyes. “But it wasn’t enough.Iwasn’t enough. I should have given up my dreams for him.”
“Fuck that.”
Jimmy gets up, steps around the table, and sits on the arm of my chair, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He pulls my head against his side and rubs my upper arm. His comforting embrace makes me want to cry.
“You shouldn’t have to give your dreams up for anyone,” he says.
I shake my head. “That’s not how relationships work, Jimmy. You have to make sacrifices.”
“No. You might need to make compromises, but never sacrifices. If your partner wants you to change everything about yourself and give up the thing that makes you happy, they’re not worth being with.”
“That’s not what happened,” I rasp.
“Pretty sure it is,” he mumbles.
This is why I didn’t want to give Jimmy my version of events. If he didn’t hate me before, he must be pissed off with me now. I didn’t mean to suggest that our breakup was Billy’s fault, but that seems to be what he’s taken away from my account. Yet he’s not yelling at me or walking away. He’s holding me and comforting me. I’m so confused.
“It takes two people to make a relationship work, Flynn. You put the effort in. He didn’t. Don’t take all the blame. You don’t deserve it.”
I crumple. I turn my face against his side as tears overwhelm me. Why is he being so nice? Why is he hugging me? And why do I like being in his arms?
7
JIMMY
“I’m fine, thank you,” Flynn says, after a few minutes, although he doesn’t pull away.
I keep rubbing his shoulder, while anger claws at my insides. Not directed at him, but at Billy. I’m positive that Flynn tried as hard as he could to make their relationship work. He will have made sacrifice after sacrifice, while Billy made him feel guilty for not trying harder. I’m also sure that Flynn feels responsible for the breakdown of their marriage, and that Billy let him.
