I gasp as he draws nearer. The world seems to blur, the music fading as I focus on his lips. He leans in and then—
“Hey guys,” a voice, sharp and unwelcome, banishes the moment into oblivion.
I pull back, blinking in disbelief as Paige appears from the crowd beside us, her styled hair and smug expression out of place in the sea of passionate BTS fans.
Theo frowns. “What are you doing here?”
“You’re not the only one who likes to try new music,” she says with a shrug.
Of all the people in this packed arena, it had to be her. The warmth that had been blooming in my chest seconds ago evaporates like morning dew under a harsh sun.
“I didn’t know you were into K-pop,” I manage to say, my voice barely audible over the music. Every word tastes bitter on my tongue.
Paige flips her hair over her shoulder, inching closer to Theo. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
“Funny, I’ve never heard you mention BTS before,” Theo says, his arm wrapped around my waist, which calms my frazzled nerves.
“I’m expanding my horizons,” she replies, her eyes traveling from Theo’s face to his hand on my hip. “Mind if I join you? The view is so much better here.”
“Actually—“ I begin.
“It’s pretty crowded,” Theo says, as if he read my mind. “We barely have space for two.”
“Oh, I don’t need much room.” She wedges herself next to Theo, pressing against his other side.
I purse my lips. Her timing is as bad as mom’s—no, worse. And there’s no way she’s here for the music. I’ve never once seen her listen to anything other than whatever pop playlist is trending. She’s here for Theo—that much is obvious.
I want to stay and keep an eye on her, but I need to use the restroom. I excuse myself and head toward the back exit. The line moves so slowly, I’m afraid I’ll miss the rest of the concert.
When I’m back out, I hurry to the front, jostling through the raging fans, and when I get there my heart breaks into a thousand pieces at the sight before me.
Theo is kissing Paige.
The bottle of water slips from my fingers, and I get queasy. It’s as if the floor is pulled from right under me.
Theo pulls back, his eyes widening as he notices me. He says something, but I can’t hear him.
My vision blurs with tears, and the lump in my throat is too big to swallow. How much more of this am I supposed to endure?
I allowed myself to believe that Theo liked me for me, that I might have a place in his world. But I never stood a chance. The crushing pain in my chest is sharper than any humiliation I’ve ever felt, because this time, I let myself hope with all my heart.
I disappear into the crowd. Theo calls after me, but the scream of thousands of fans swallows his voice as I move father away.
Chapter 19
Sitting in the back of my Uber ride, I stare out the window, trying to conceal my tears and avoid the driver’s scrutiny.
After he drops me off, I run upstairs as fast as possible, careful not to make too much noise and alert my parents and the Pearsons, who are in the living room watching TV. Now hiding under my covers, the warmth and comfort do nothing to relieve the cramping ache beneath my ribs.
How could this happen? One minute I was dancing and laughing with Theo, thinking that maybe, just maybe, he felt something for me, too. The next moment, amidst a stadium full of raging fans, everything fell to pieces. My favorite band played. The energy was palpable, and I saw him with her. Paige, flawless and confident, kissing him like she was claiming what was hers all along. And Theo didn’t even hesitate.
Why ask me to the concert if he planned to ditch me the moment she appeared? Was this all some elaborate game to humiliate me once more? I replay the memory in my head,desperately seeking an explanation that could bring me peace of mind, but find none.
Tonight seemed perfect—BTS, the band I’ve loved for years, and Theo, the guy who against my better judgment I’ve developed feelings for. And I had hoped he might feel the same.
I toss and turn, wrapping myself tighter in the covers, assuming a fetal position and hugging my pillow close, but I’m too restless to get comfortable.
So this what heartbreak feels like; the insomnia-inducting thoughts, the constant roiling in my stomach, this throbbing ache in my chest that erodes my soul, leaving in its wake a great abyss that nothing can fill it.
