Chapter 14
The chilly night air bites into my damp cheeks as I push through the front yard, scrubbing my face with a tissue. Shivering, I dab at my wet eyes, unable to stop the tears from coming. My chest feels hollow, like someone scooped out everything inside and left nothing but an aching void. The sound of laughter still reverberates in my ears, Paige’s voice loudest of all.
I should have known better than to think I could step into their world without consequences. Paige has always found ways to cut people down to size—especially people like me who dare to think they belong somewhere they don’t. I’ll remember her triumphant smile forever.
A warm hand catches mine as I step onto the sidewalk.
“Chrissy, wait.”
It’s Theo. The space between his eyebrows wrinkles as he stares at me, his eyes swimming with that awful mixture of concern and pity. My belly clenches. I can’t stand that look—like I’m some wounded animal that needs rescuing.
“I’m so sorry,” he says, his breath visible in the cold night air. “That should never have happened.”
I look away, wiping my cheeks with my hands. “I should never have come here. This was a mistake from the beginning.”
“What Paige did was wrong—utterly and completely wrong.” He steps closer, invading my bubble of misery. “But before all that happened, we were having fun, weren’t we? When we were dancing and—“
“Don’t you get it, Theo?” My voice cracks, revealing how close I am to falling apart. “That’s what they all think of me. Every single one of them. I’m nothing but a joke to them. A clown show. The weird girl you brought to score some kind of social brownie points.”
He places his hands on my shoulders, his touch gentle but firm. A tremor runs through me that has nothing to do with the cold. “Chrissy, look at me.” His voice drops lower. “I don’t think of you that way. Not at all.”
As if his words could somehow make everything better, he steps closer, trying to draw me in, but I pull back sharply. My arms wrap around my middle, a feeble shield against both the cold and his concern.
“Your thoughts don’t matter,” I say, hating how my voice wavers. “Don’t you see? This isn’t some movie where the popular guy notices the invisible girl and suddenly everything changes.” I take another shaky breath. “We belong in different worlds, Theo. Tonight just proved it.”
“That’s not true.” His voice hardens with unexpected intensity. “You think I fit perfectly into their world? That I don’t see how shallow and meaningless most of it is?”
“Oh please.” A bitter laugh escapes me. “You walk through school like you own it. Everyone knows your name. Everyone wants to be your friend.” My throat tightens around the words I don’t say: Everyone wants to be you or be with you. Everyone except me. But that’s a lie, too, because here I am, drawn to him despite knowing better.
“You don’t know everything about me,” he counters, threading a hand through his hair in a backward motion. “You’re seeing what you want to see.”
“And you’re seeing me as some charity case. The sad girl you can save to make yourself feel better.” The words taste like poison on my tongue, but I can’t stop them. “I don’t need your pity, Theo.”
His lips part as though he’s going to say something, but then he stops himself. His hesitation is all the confirmation I need. He knows I’m right. And honestly, what can popular, perfect Theo possibly understand about what it’s like to walk through life feeling invisible until someone decides to shine a spotlight on you just to beat you down?
“Chrissy,” he finally says, his voice softer now. “I never meant—“
“It doesn’t matter what you meant.” My fingers find another tissue in my pocket. “We should just go back to how things were before. You in your world. Me in mine.”
“Is that really what you want?” He takes a step towards me, and something in his eyes makes my heart stutter. “Because I don’t think it is.”
For one dangerous moment, I waver. What if he’s right? What if I’m throwing away something real because I’m scared? The warmth of his gaze melts something inside me, and I almost reach for him.
But then I remember Paige’s laughter. The pointing. The humiliation that will follow me through the school hallways on Monday morning.
“What I want doesn’t matter,” I say finally. “What matters is what’s real. And this”—I gesture between us—“isn’t. It can’t be.”
The look on his face makes me want to take back every word, but I can’t. Some things are just facts of life. The sun rises in the east. Water is wet. And girls like me don’t end up with guys like Theo.
Stephanie and Ian storm out the door, rushing to my side. They both look panicked, their faces mirroring all the hurt I’m feeling.
Stephanie pulls me into a hug, her arms wrapping tight. “Are you okay?” she asks, but I can only shake my head.
I try to say something, tell her I’m fine, that I want to go home and forget any of this ever happened, but the words won’t come out; instead, I swallow back another sob.
She tells Theo to take us home.
The drive is silent. Ian sits up front and Stephanie stays next to me in the back, holding my hand. Aside from occasional glances in the rear-view mirror, Theo keeps his eyes on the road.
