I follow the lieutenant around the corner to the Delta side. We’ve got to find a way in. I glance back at the second-story window. As the corner of the roof collapses, Dennis covers his face a split second before flames lash out through the window. Without a moment’s hesitation, he goes in after Manny. They better move fast and get the hell out of there before the entire roof caves in.
“Lieutenant,” I shout, the sound of my own voice distant in my ears, “should I help out with the line? This seems like a lost cau—”
“No!” Jax roars. “I think there’s a way in on Charlie side. You’re staying with me.”
Why is he so intent of mounting an interior attack on this thing? Can’t he see what’s going on here? This building is on the precipice of collapse. There is not much to be done here.
Jax won’t listen to me. He’s probably angry at me for what happened.
We’re on the Charlie side now. Jax approaches a small, exterior cellar staircase. If this is his ‘way in’ then God help us all. Flames burst out from the basement and climb the stairs. They want out while Jax wants in.
I think something’s wrong with my oxygen mask. I can’t seem to get a good breath. It’s like the damn thing is transforming air into syrup. There’s a crushing pressure in my chest.
I try to call out to Jax, but the pain is too great. My voice comes out strangled; there’s no way Jax heard me. The window above his right shoulder has already blown out, and there’s a menacing hiss coming from the room.
The flames could blow into our faces at any moment. I need to warn Jax. But I can’t breathe, let alone shout a coherent sentence.
“We’re going in,” Jax says. He sounds so far away.
No, Jax! Don’t!
My mind is screaming at him, but my mouth can do nothing except gasp for air. I take off my oxygen mask, convinced it’s malfunctioning.
But my hand shakes uncontrollably. I clumsily knock my helmet off. Then, I try to peel my flash hood off, but it’s catching on the rubber harness of my oxygen mask.
I’m going to die here on the scruffy lawn. Suffocated by my own equipment. My mind goes blank and I collapse.
I lose consciousness, but not completely. I’m still aware of what is going on around me. But it’s muted. Blurred. Like I’m half way in a coma.
I almost give in to the feeling. But some tiny part of my brain screams in protest:Get up!
I crawl back to the truck. I just need to be alone. Away from the noise.
My breathing is shallow but no longer so quick. Nausea and lightheadedness welcome me like twin devils on my shoulder.
When I get inside the truck, I curl up in a fetal position on the floor. Just trying to breathe normally. It feels so nice down here on the floor. It takes me a few minutes to muster the will power to get up. As soon as I’m upright, nausea returns in a powerful wave, and I put my head between my knees and breathe deeply to avoid puking all over the place.
I close my eyes. My whole body is drenched in cold sweat. I feel like a dirty dish rag that’s been wrung out and tossed into the sink.
Shit, I don’t know what I’m gonna tell the guys.
What excuse could I possibly give for bailing on my lieutenant? For bailing on the whole team?
My mind scrambles, searching for the right lies. Nothing comes to mind. There’s only one way.
Just tell the truth.
11
Unexpected Trouble
When we got backto the station, we all shuffled in. Jax lingered outside, talking on his cell phone to paramedics. Sounded like he was checking on someone who’d been pulled out of the fire. I glanced at him as he passed, nervously expecting a look of total disgust. After all, I did abandon him out there. I let him go into that building alone, unable to even give him so much as a warning. But he didn’t even look at me.
I went straight to my private room to lie down. I needed to be alone and let the noise out.
I don’t know how long I spent in the truck before the guys returned. Maybe an hour. Maybe more. Everyone was exhausted. Blackened faces, bloodshot eyes. My stomach churned with fear and shame. No one said a word to me, almost as if I wasn’t there.
I can hear Joey coming up the stairs now, with about as much gracefulness as a buffalo on roller skates getting hassled by hornets.
