“Is that right?” I say, playfully skeptical.
But Joey takes me seriously. “I mean it,” he says, “I told myself you were going to be the first to know what my true feelings were. And I’d deal with any backlash from Jax later.”
“Backlash?”
“I though he would disapprove. But he was surprisingly cool with it.”
“C’mon,” I say, “something else was holding you back. We both know that dorky brother of mine wasn’t the only thing standing between you and me.”
Joey exhales forcefully.
“Right?” I say, pushing him just a little more. A tiny nudge to get him to open up and show his vulnerable side.
“When I was younger,” he begins, “my mom walked out on my dad. I saw how deeply it affected him. He wasn’t the same guy after it happened.”
Joey seems lost in thought. His facial expression tells me the memory is a painful one. I reach out and place my hand on his. I give his hand a squeeze and he continues, staring down into his lap.
“He fell apart. Ended up dying on the job, and taking two of his fellow firemen with him. I don’t wanna end up like him.”
“I’d never do that to you. I’m not going to hurt you, Joey. If you let me in, I’ll be yours forever. I’m in love with you.”
Joey cups my face with his hand. “A part of me is doing cartwheels right now. I’m so happy you have feelings for me too. You’re all I’ve been thinking about since the moment I laid eyes on you. But another part of me is scared as hell. It’s not just the thing with my mom. I lost my best friend last year.”
He pauses, takes a deep breath.
I know who he’s talking about. Sully Boxcars. I didn’t know him that well, but I’ll always remember him at the station’s Annual Pancake Breakfast, winning the pancake eating contest with ease.
Joey looks me in the eye and says, “I saw what his death did to his wife and kid. It wrecked their lives. And I’m not sure I can bring myself to put someone in that same situation. Every time I run into a burning building, I run the risk of not coming back out again. Do you really want to be with someone like that?”
His emotion crescendos at the end, and he regards me with a pained, almost manic expression.
I reach out and touch the side of his face. “There’s no one else I’d rather be with. I know your job is dangerous. But I also know you’re not alone when you run into a burning building. You, Jax, and the rest of the guys are like family. You have each other’s backs. Julia told me that’s the reason she’s not worried about my brother. And you know what? I’m not worried either. So don’t keep me at a distance. I’m ready to give all of who I am to you. Body and soul.”
Joey chuckles softly and hangs his head. “I’ve never felt so disarmed by a woman before.”
As we stare into each other’s eyes, our lips are pulled closer together as if they were magnetic, and we kiss.
15
Epilogue One
One Year Later . . .
Joey
This morning,something clicked.
I woke up next to Bethany in the apartment we share, the one we picked out together. She was fast asleep, and I watched her for a few moments. This is probably going to sound corny, but I don’t care. To me, without any make-up on, her mouth hanging open, dreaming of . . . well, hopefully the two of us together — that’s when my baby is at her most beautiful.
Something small but significant shifted inside of me. I’m no longer afraid. No longer worried that one morning, I’ll wake up, and she’ll be gone.
I can’t explain where the feeling came from. Where the trust came from. Some things go beyond words.
Maybe it’s the therapy. Yeah, that’s right — I’m seeing a shrink. Bethany convinced me it was a good idea, and she’s definitely persuasive. If only the guys knew . . . maybe I’ll tell them one of these days. Let them tease me. I find myself caring less and less what they or anyone else thinks about me. Being with Bethany makes me feel like we have our own little world. Nothing can hurt us in here.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. We have our share of arguments. Bethany doesn’t suffer fools gladly, as my gramma used to say.
But the funny thing is, I’m grateful for those moments. This is kind of embarrassing, but I’d never really argued with a woman until Bethany. I never let anyone get close enough for that to happen. And what a fool I was, because these cute fights aren’t bad. Besides, the make-up sex is phenomenal. When we make love, it’s like we’re trying to get our souls to overlap completely. Pressing our bodies together, melting into the ecstasy, sometimes I forget we’re two people.
