I take another deep breath and hold the tears back. “I just keep seeing those damn beams collapsing. That feeling I had in my stomach, knowing Sully was in there. Man . . .”
Jax lets out a shaky breath. It’s clear he doesn’t know what to say, and I don’t blame him. There’s nothing tosay. Sully’s dead. Rose lost her husband and their daughter, Amanda, lost her daddy.
I sip my water again. Jax sips his beer. I see him glance over at the bar where Julia’s patiently waiting. He wants to get back to her, but I think he clearly feels obligated to sit with me. Duty and all that.
Last thing I need.
“Hey man, go be with Julia.” I lift my chin at him. “I know you feel like you should keep me company, but I’m good. Honest.”
Jax examines me with a furrowed brow. “Why don’t you come and have one drink with us at the bar? We can swap our favorite Sully stories. You can try flirting with Katie. Or you know . . .” Jax makes a sweeping gesture at our surroundings . . . “all the chicks therein.
There arelots of women here tonight. And I didcatch a beauty with long eyelashes and even longer legs checking me out. But my mind’s made up. Not tonight.
“I don’t think, brother.” I tell Jax.
He shakes his head. “I think you’re making a mistake. Sully wouldn’t want you to sit around moping. He was always so full of life. Do you remember what he said the night he met Rose?”
I say nothing, even though I do remember.
“He said, ‘I got a feeling I’m gonna meet the one tonight, boys.’ And lo and behold, what happened? The bastard met Rose, fell in love and got married four months later. So, I guess what I’m trying to say, Joey, is that your future wife could be in this bar right now. And how the hell are you going to find out if you sit here all night like a bump on a lo —”
“Dammit, Jax. Don’t you get it?” I snap. “I don’t want to meet the woman of my dreams. Fall in love. Get married. Have kids. All that happily ever after crap. I’m glad you’ve found someone, I really am. But I just can’t put someone through what Rose is going through right now. I’ve been spending a lot of time over at their household, trying to help them work through their grief, trying to work through my own grief. And you know what I’m starting to realize? There’s no working through it. It’s endless. That hole in their hearts is never going to get filled. And Amanda —” I pause my rant, my voice finally catching, “— she’s not moving on either. She —”
I pause again and try to breathe. I can’t let myself cry. Not at The Pulaski. That would be ridiculous. But damn, I want to. “You know she painted a picture of Sully recently, and it looks just like him, man. He’s still so fresh in her mind.”
“It’s tragic,” Jax finally says. “There’s no other way to put it. But you can’t go through life avoiding a shot at happiness just because there’s a chance it’ll all come crashing down. It’s like the saying goes. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
Crashing down. Just like those beams.
I shake my head, trying to clear the image of Sully’s body charred beyond recognition from my mind.
Maybe Jax is right. Maybe I’m taking the wrong lesson away from Sully’s death.
But still. I’m not drinking tonight. Or flirting.
Tonight, I’m going to think about the unfairness of life, and let myself wallow in the hurt. None of it is going to make sense, because it was senseless.
Jax is now nudging me impatiently with his beer. He’s upbeat again.
“Come awwwwn.” He nudges me again. “One drink.”
I sigh. “Not tonight.”
2
Bethany
Damn girl.
I’m eyeing my reflection in the door-length mirror in my bedroom, and if this ensemble doesn’t turn some heads tonight, I officially give up on life. Okay — that’s being a little dramatic. But seriously, I hope those guys at the bar will take notice.
I toss my hair. Turn around and look over my shoulder.
The jeans I picked out definitely show off my curves. Not to mention my famous booty, which I used to hate, since it’s rather . . . prominent. I love it now though. It’s one of my best . . . assets.
Sorry. Couldn’t help myself. I tell bad jokes when I’m nervous. And yes, I’m a little nervous right now. Tonight, I’m going to the Pulaski for the first time. It’s a fireman’s bar, which my brother Jax goes to all the time. You must be wondering why has it taken me so long to go?
Well, there’s the fact I was in a relationship, up until recently. It’s permanently filed in my brain under: Two-Year-Long Waste of Time.
